4:30

I'm 16 again. It's a beautiful summer night, my mom always has the heat on, she's always cold. I open my window like any other night thankful for the sweet relief the cool summer wind brings and climb in bed. I say my prayers and turn out the light...something doesn't feel right. The spirit tells me to get up and close the window, I try to ignore it, I'm hot and uncomfortable. The spirit tells me more urgently, get up close the window and lock it. Images of Elizabeth Smart flash before me eyes, and I get up and close my bedroom window and lock it. "Now lock your bedroom door", I listen and walk over and lock my door. Immediately I feel peace and collapse into bed, asleep within seconds.

Out of a dead sleep I awake panicked. My heart is racing, I feel the breath being squeezed out of my chest...I look at the time 4:30 am. "Go back to sleep!" I tell myself. But something is wrong and with every fiber of my being I feel it. "Listen," The spirit is almost shouting in my ear, "sit up and listen." My stomach is rolling at this point and I sit up to listen to the silence. 30 seconds pass when I hear it, the steps of a thief padding down the hallway.

My hallway. My breath catches, I know something is wrong. It's not my mom or anyone else I know, I can tell by the way they are carefully stepping. I can't breath. I feel sick. I listen as the steps come closer and closer to my door and hear the familiar *creak* just on the other side of the door. My door. I know they are there just on the other side of my door, my locked door. I start praying fervently, what do I do. Do I scream and wake everyone up? I know I should, but I feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm paralyzed with fear.

My door knob moves, I'm sick. "Please Heavenly Father, help me!" I scream inside, I feel so defenseless. No sound escapes my lips, I will myself to scream out. They try to move the door knob again more insistent this time, pushing on my door trying to force themselves in. Gripping my covers, holding on for dear life I start crying...begging for Heavenly Father's protection when I hear the voice of an angel.

My mother yells out "WHO'S THERE!" Feet pound down my hallway and the thief is running out the door. My mother's familiar steps are in close pursuit and I hear them both run out of the house and two cars pull from my driveway racing. The second car only moments after the first.

It is dawn before my mom is home again. She followed them with the lights off to her car but she didn't catch them. Like a snake they slinked into the darkness, eluding any chance for justice.

When my mom got home, I heard Chuck say from their room, "Is Nicole okay?" My mom pops the lock to the door, and as it flies open I know everything is okay. I crumble and I know my mom was watching over me, she was the angel I prayed for Heavenly Father to send. She tells me everything is fine, cradles me and tucks me in. It will be hours before any of us rest, years for me.

8 years. 8 years have passed, and I still find myself waking up at 4:30 am. Heart racing, listening for any sound that they are back. Even with Chase by my side, I shake in the dark. Many nights, I take Ruark from his bed and lock him in the room with Chase and I because sleep with come no other way. Other times, I know morning will start for me at 4:30 because somewhere out in the darkness I know that there is a thief who broke into my home and came looking for me. Someone tried to take me from my warm bed and my family. I know who that someone is...but it's not enough to know who he is. It's not enough to know where he is, locked in prison for so many heinous crimes I can't count.

I'm 16 again praying for strength and relief for hours of the night. I lay awake keeping watch over my most precious jewel Ruark. I am no longer scared for myself, that feeling was gone the moment I held him in my arms. When the sun dawns, I once again feel safe and give in to rest that has escaped me for so long. Hours go by like days when you feel the way I do at 4:30. My angel mother heard the shouting of the spirit, she was on the Lord's errand that night as in so many days and nights that followed. I am so thankful for my mother because I truly can say I don't know where I would be right now, without her.