Multiply and Replenish the Earth

Well people can be blunt can't they? The decision of when and how many children to have is SUPPOSED to be between a husband, wife and the Lord. It's incredible that people think such a sacred topic is up for a community discussion. Before we started having children an in-law told me, "you will be a terrible mother". When I was 5 weeks pregnant with Ruark a dear friend told me, "I always thought you were too selfish to have children". Not long after the birth of Ruark my in-laws asked me, "do you think you'll have any more?" I was surprised. I told them, "Of course, I want to have 12!" Not technically a realistic number but somewhere in my mind that seemed like an appropriate statement, a huffy reply came back, "And WHO do you suppose will take care of all of those children?"

Before I gave birth to Ruark I remember feeling terrified. I'm sure all parents are feel the same way. I remember falling to my knees in prayer begging Heavenly Father to make me a good mother. I remember thinking what if I don't like being a mom? What if I am too selfish. A very sweet peace came to me and the words that I heard were, "Our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness is centered around the family, this is where you will find your greatest joy."

All my life all I wanted to was to be a mother. In school when they asked what I wanted to be I always said "A MOM" and I was PROUD of it. Yes I had wanted to be a Doctor and even looked into being a Lawyer at one point, but that was all just a dream. Becoming a Mother was what I had yearned for as long as I can remember. I nannied during the summer and after school for my nieces and nephews from the age of 8. I rocked them and loved them as much as my brothers and sisters had loved me. I dreamed about my own children in those rocking chairs.

The decision to wait to have children, wasn't really ours. Although I do appreciate the time Chase and I had to be alone and prepare our life to bring children into our family. About two months after we got married I passed something that looked like a placenta and was the size of my fist. After going to the Doctor the next day they said, "Yep it looks like you were probably pregnant". Chase and I went on for the next 3 years trying on and off to get pregnant. Nothing happened and we were discouraged. It was hard hearing those statements made to me and have others act like I was incapable of loving a child. After all the horrible things that have been said to me (there really are too many for me to even put down on paper) these are the ones that still feel like a knife twisting in my gut.

There have been a lot of changes in our life the past year. This time last year I got I pregnant with Rhett. It's amazing to think back on the person I waa and I am grateful for the growth I have experienced. I was running my business, taking care of my son, crafting, running my household, fulfilling my callings, throwing parties and entertaining friends. There was a fire in my eyes and a feeling that I could take on the world. Then I got pregnant and my whole world changed. I was sick, not just throwing up sick from morning sickness. Life-threatening sickness to both myself and my son. When I had my allergic reaction, they told me I could use benedryl and other natural remedies until it started to restrict my airway. Although the epinephrine shot would save my life they couldn't guarentee it wouldn't kill my tiny baby. Not only could I not move because of the morning sickness and my body being swollen from the allerigies but I felt like I was carrying an elephant on my chest. I waited and prayed and told no one. I was afraid, I would pray while I was going to sleep those nights because my breathing would slow so much before I drifted off that I was afraid I would stop. So I suffered through it and against the odds it slowly got better even though the restrictions to my airway lasted a few months. Right up until the other problems began.

Almost everyone knows of the infections, heart problems, contractions for 5 months, two water sacks, blood clots, mini-strokes, a premature baby and all without a husband in town to help. But we made it through, thank goodness for my Mother. I never could have made it through without her.

At my 6 week post-partum appointment I had a LONG LONG LONG list of questions for my Doctor. To pretty much sum it all up the questions all ended, "what is the possibility that I will have these problems again?" I probably won't. "I want to get pregnant in the near future, what do I need to do". He didn't blink an eye, I guess he's heard that question before. Just get myself healthy and he will do everything in his power to prevent it happening again.

At a family event not long ago someone asked me, "do you think you'll have any more?". Without a doubt in my mind I replied "Absolutely!" They were shocked and I don't care what people say. When they brought Rhett back to me from the nursery just after his birth I knew I would get pregnant soon. I told my Mother, I'm not going to tell anyone when I get pregnant. What will people think of me? They will all be talking about me and passing judgement. I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm showing or until I can't hold the news in any longer.

I promise I'm not pregnant, my baby is only 3 months old! But I've decided that I will not be ashamed that my greatest desire is to have a home filled with the laughter of children. We bought a new car last month to seat 7 and I plan on filling it up. My heart aches to have a third, fourth and fifth child in my home. It fills my every thought. How much longer until I will feel another child growing inside of me? So much of the joy of pregnancy was stolen from me with Rhett.

I hear others passing judgement on WHY ______ is having another baby, haven't they heard of birth control? They have enough kids! Beware I will not allow those things to be said about me or my children. It is not up for discussion in public or private.

I WANT my children and I will not apologize that the world's standards have changed to a very selfish ME attitude. What about ME? What about MY body, MY time, MY sleep? All I heard during my pregnancy with Rhett was you only need TWO children and then you need to stop. I started believing it. Until I held my precious son in my arms and I knew this couldn't be the last time, this was only the beginning.

I am grateful for the trials I overcame this last year. I like to think that I am more kind and understanding, that I think of my needs less, I think of others more. The fire I once had is dim. I'm humbled from the months of service others gave to our family. For once in my life I wasn't able to take charge of a situation and barrel through it alone, I had to accept the help of others. This was always something my pride stood in the way of. I'm grateful beyond belief to hold my son when he cries and rock him back to sleep at night. I know my arms would have always felt lonely if one of those problems had kept him from us. There isn't anything I could buy in any store that could take the place of my boys. I hold more love in my heart for them then I ever knew possible.

This morning I was reading through the General Conference talks in the Ensign, I came across a talk I had missed during conference. There are a few points that stuck in my mind, "We believe in families, and we believe in children." "Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family."

I couldn't have said this better myself. "Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gives you time for." I love my sweet family, I am so thankful for my husband and children and I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who leaves no question to whether we should have children but merely asks, "Where is our faith?"

My Heavenly Father has extended the calling to us to "multiply and replenish the earth". I know that now it is up to me and my husband to move forward with faith and trust in Him and we will find more happiness in our home then we ever would have found from any other worldly possession.

Blessing Day

Rhett

Ruark
Rhett

Ruark

Sunday was September 11th and we blessed our little Rhett Nicolas at our home. Chase did an amazing job and Rhett. The spirit was really strong. A few things that really struck me during the blessing is that Rhett would come to know our Savior as much in this life as he knew him in the pre-existence and Rhett will be able to decipher good from evil and be a great example. We feel so lucky to have Rhett in our home with us. It was a long and scary pregnancy but it was all worth it to have his sweet spirit here with us.

We had an amazing dinner after the blessing. We made pulled pork sandwiches and BBQ chicken, homemade baked beans and home grown veggies from the garden. For dessert we had peach and blackberry shortcake with fresh whipped cream. It was so good, which is great because we'll be eating the leftovers for the next week! I always make too much food because I'm always so worried that there's won't be enough. Even with people going back for seconds and thirds there's still a lot left.

There are a lot of similarities between Ruark and Rhett. I wanted to see side by side how much they look alike, but there are already some huge differences in personalities. When Rhett was a week old I grabbed the bulb to clean out his nose, I'd only suctioned twice when he started screaming and holding his breath until he turned purple and then took a deep breath in only to have him go white as a sheet and have his little eyelids flutter like he was going to pass out. When he wants something we wants it NOW. He's a lot like me in that respect. Ruark on the other hand was calm and patient.

Rhett went to his 2 MONTH checkup this week, where has the time gone? He now weighs in at 11 pounds 14 ounces and is 23 inches long! He has gained 6 pounds and grown 4 inches since his birth. When we went to his 2 week checkup he wasn't even on the charts yet, which was to be expected because he was 4 weeks early. Now he's in the 50% for height and weight!! He's growing so quickly!! I'm ready to have him grow at this point. I'm excited to see the boys play together and I know Ruark can't wait. He's so great with Rhett, he holds and kisses him, shushes him when he's crying and is constantly making sure that Rhett has a blanket and Binky. Poor kid he still doesn't understand that Rhett HATES the Binky and will make gagging sounds until we take it out of his mouth. He's so dramatic, I guess it's only fitting that he was named after me!

Family Photos

We were so lucky to have a beautiful day to take photos before Chase left, so here's a few of my favorites to share! I'm so happy with how they turned out!!!! I need to give a HUGE shout out to my sister for taking the photos, Danielle Kingston you are the BEST!!

Going Home

Recovery after the second baby is SOOOOO much easier. I felt better the next day then I did my entire pregnancy. It was great. The first night in the hospital was GREAT. Rhett slept great. Chase and I watched a few episodes of Glee via Netflix on our laptop and then headed to bed. A few seconds after laying Rhett down he started laughing and giggling for a good 10-15 seconds. It was the sweetest sound. I couldn't help thinking that was directed at Chase and I because we thought he was going to be a girl. Oh we love and adore out little Rhett.

We headed home 48 hours after delivery. We had been there for 3 days between labor and recovery and were ready to be home. Rhett checked out at 5 pounds 8 ounces and a perfect bill of health. We were told not to pass him around because it burns too many calories and they wanted him to save his energy.

Ruark was so happy to have us home and to have his baby brother. He held and loved him, kissed him and then ran outside to play with his dad. We spent the next week inside of our little bubble before Chase headed back to work. Life is wonderful with two little boys. Rhett looks so much like Ruark did as a baby that sometimes I feel like I have gone back in time. I can't wait to see them grow up together! We feel so blessed for two happy and healthy boys!

Rhett Nicolas Andrews

Me after 36 hours of labor...don't judge.

There was a double rainbow out my window after the storm.

The first time I held Rhett...

He wrapped the cord around his neck...not sure how he did that.

My baby boy.

Labor was long and hard. Only fitting to have a long and hard labor after such a long and hard pregnancy. It all really started on Friday evening. My mom and my sisters went with me to EIRMC where they checked me in 2 days before my 36 week mark. Contractions were hard and constant, I was at a 1 but after an hour 1.5 and I thinned from 25 % to 75%. I knew labor was a ways away but needed to know if Chase needed to head home. They told me to go home and sleep because it would be a few hours. The head nurse also told me she thought the baby was posterior and to work on my hands and knees and encourage the baby to turn around. What a blessing, had it not been for the baby being posterior he probably would have come much earlier with my contractions. I told Chase he needed to come home. I had an appointment with a woman in Rigby who does reflexology for Monday morning and had every intention of having him on July 11th.

Saturday wasn't much better, I kept contracting and feeling lots of pressure. I spent most of the day in bed with Ruark watching movies and holding him. I knew it wouldn't be long until there was another baby grabbing my attention and I wanted Ruark to know his mom loves him. The rest of the time I spent on my hands and knees trying to move the baby, I scrubbed my floors and walls. Chase was supposed to be home late Saturday night, but got held up at work and decided to leave first thing Sunday morning. I stressed I would go into labor in the night, but morning came and I wasn't feeling much of a change.

There was a problem. The baby seemed off, he was thrashing around like he was in distress. I have never felt anything like it. I kept worrying he was tangled in the cord. I prayed and worried. I missed Church because Ruark was still sleeping. He had stayed with family the night I was at EIRMC and had stayed up with his cousins until 1:30 AM. He needed his sleep and I was hurting and didn't want to go anywhere.

Chase walked in the door at 4:30 PM Sunday afternoon and we were so excited to see him! I felt a huge relief and at 5:00 PM contractions started. They picked up faster and faster until they were coming every 3 minutes and lasting about 2 minutes long. Finally at 11:00 Chase said we should try and sleep for a while. I laughed in his face but also figured it was a good idea to try and rest. I took a Tylenol and closed my eyes for a few hours.

4:30 AM came and I could feel the contractions were getting stronger, so I got up and got in the bath. The water didn't slow anything down, I got dressed, did laundry and labored in my silent, dark house. I woke Chase up at 6:00 and told him he needed to shower and get dressed, I texted my family and told them I thought this was it. I found a place for Ruark to go and I waited. Chase took his time getting ready, every time I turned around he was watching Spongebob with Ruark and playing with him. I was frustrated, I was in pain. I was crying and whimpering through the contractions. Finally we packed everything out the door and dropped Ruark off with our friends.

I was angry and emotional by now. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to go back to the hospital and be told it was a false alarm. I wanted to be done being pregnant and I wanted the pain to stop. I didn't want the stress of wondering if I was going to have a stroke or blood clots. I didn't want the worry that the baby wasn't going to make it. My doctor's office opened in half an hour and I decided to wait in the parking lot until they opened. I didn't want to go to the hospital again. Dixie called me and I spent a good amount of time crying to her between contractions, waiting to go in to the office. Finally I walked in the doors and told them what was going on and needed to be checked. My doctor was in surgery but two minutes later he told them to send me to labor and delivery upstairs.

I checked in and dressed down. I cried harder, I didn't want to be sent home. It hurt and I just wanted to be done. They checked me, I was at a 2. UGH I knew it, I just wanted to go home and cry. My mom came in and she was really excited. She told me no one in my family ever goes to the hospital bigger than a two, that's when our labor really begins. I relaxed and let them monitor me. The monitor didn't pick up any of my contractions, every time I laid down my back and legs ached and I wanted to scream. It felt like I was being ripped apart if I laid down. I stood up and walked around my room, just like I did at home. An hour later they checked me again, I was at a 3. I couldn't believe it. My mom called my sisters and they all changed their plans for the day so they could come be with me. I don't think they have ever seen such a happy pregnant woman. I literally jumped for joy. They told me I could walk around for a while. I ran the stairs at the hospital for a good 30 minutes and then I started feeling sick.

I went back to my room to lie down while they monitored me. The monitors still weren't picking up my contractions and now my legs were hurting from running the stairs. An hour later I was still at a 3, I was frustrated. I told them to monitor me standing up, because the contractions were strong. Sure enough they could see my contractions. They asked if I wanted some Morphine so I could relax, I told them no. I didn't want any drugs other than an epidural. With Ruark they gave me stadol and I was hallucinating through the night stuck in the Lego Batman game.

They told me I would have to go on my own and that they wouldn't help me until I was at least 38 weeks. I was pissed, I decided fine then I will go on my own. I walked the halls again, and half an hour later after another check I was still at a 3. I started panicking, I was not being sent home when I was this close. I started hyperventilating a little bit. My mom and sister told me to sit down on the birthing ball in my room and *POP* my water broke. I couldn't believe it! My family NEVER has their water break. The nurse confirmed it, amniotic fluid. The baby is coming! I was so excited, my baby was on his way.

They asked if I wanted a bath or how I wanted to handle my pain. I just wanted to rest. Now that I knew labor was finally here, I just wanted to lay down. My body hurt so bad, I labored for another hour or so and finally asked my doctor when I could have my epidural. He said anytime, GREAT! They told me they wanted to start Pit because my contractions were slowing down, I told them I didn't want any pit without an epidural. So my anesthesiologist came and and got it going. I rested and that's when the fun began...

Women of Idaho Falls flooded the hospital. Everyone was going into labor, most needing c-sections and the nurses were running around like crazy. MANY sick babies were born that day and doctors, respiratory therapists and pediatricians were running through the halls. I was overlooked, and ignored for 5 HOURS!! We sat there and waited and were given excuse after excuse why there wasn't a nurse to come in to monitor me or turn up my pitocin. They finally came in to turn up my pitocin and I was so exhausted, my body felt like it was giving up. It was 7:00, they told me I was still at a 3.5-4. They told me to try and rest.

10:30 I was almost asleep. I was still breathing through every contraction, pit was on the highest level and my epidural wasn't working in my groin. I felt pressure and aching. I started feeling like he was coming down through the birth canal. I needed a nurse to come and check me. They checked me last 3.5 hours ago and we had no idea where I was at. My mom ran out to get help. I never felt so much pressure in my life. I just knew he was coming. A woman had just walked in with her 5 children dilated to a 6, and was screaming in the next room. Her children ran screaming through the halls and I could hear her moaning and screaming and hitting her head against the walls. We were told there was no one to help me. They would come as soon as she finished. My mom started screaming at the head nurse that we needed someone in my room, NOW. I felt like the baby was coming out, my anesthesiologist came in not understanding why no one was coming. My blood pressure kept dropping I was at 96/46 and the baby wasn't doing much better. His heart rate dropped from 179 to 79. Alarms were going off. Still no one was coming. My mom was yelling in the hall demanding someone come in and help.

They finally came in giving excuse after excuse. I told her to shut up and figure out what was going on. I was still only at a 4. I didn't understand, something was wrong. I started explaining that I thought something was wrong. I had a feeling the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. I was dismissed and told that wasn't the problem and go to sleep. She told me I'd probably need a c-section. I started crying and praying even harder. I felt so weak and helpless. I willed my body to dilate and let my baby out. Chase gave me a blessing the day before and blessed me that I would have patience. I kept wondering WHY! Why do I need patience, I'm in labor!! I felt like passing out, my bp was so low. I fell into a restless sleep, they woke me at 3:00 to check me again. Still a 4. "You're probably going to need a c-section" was all she said and walked out. I really started crying now. I imagined them strapping me to the surgical table and ripping the baby from my body. I imagined the long recovery and the chance to deliver my baby being stolen from me. My mom and sister surrounded me (Chase was sleeping) we started praying, we texted family and friends and told them we needed prayers. I facebooked what was going on, I knew prayers were the only way I was going to get through this.

I was so hungry and depressed, I hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours. I asked for some food. Chase ran out to the "father's fridge" in the hall and grabbed some cheese sticks, a sandwich, crackers, and juice. I ate and ate. Everything tasted so good, I needed energy. I had nothing left to give, I knew I needed something more for the home stretch. I tried to slow down but I felt like this was the only thing I had control over. The more I ate the better I felt. I finally felt like I had strength to lift my head, my thoughts seemed clearer. I felt everything come into focus and I was determined that I WOULD NOT have a c-section.

My nurse called my doctor who got up and came down to talk to me. He didn't understand what was going on, he couldn't belive my labor was taking so long. Ruark's was only 9 hours beginning to end. He said we needed to turn all the pitocin off and reset my receptors to induce labor. That he would give me until the 24 hour mark from when my water broke or I would need a c-section. They turned everything off and my body stopped contracting. My bp kept dropping and they started giving me medication. I could feel pain in my groin, it hurt so bad. My anesthesiologist ran in to help. He gave me an extra dose of medication, and I started throwing up. He ran and got some nausea medication and I felt my body falling asleep. I could hear my baby's heartbeat, it was changing. Dropping lower and lower. Something was off. Chase, Angela and Danielle were sleeping. My mom came and sat by me. She told me she would not close her eyes and she would watch and make sure everything was okay. I was scared, I prayed he would be okay. Finally I gave in and I fell into a deep sleep, knowing I was safe and being watched over.

7:00 came and I was woken by an angel. Sally. The most amazing nurse I've ever met. I know she was sent by my Heavenly Father to protect me and my baby. She was what I was waiting for. She walked in and I knew things would be okay. She wanted to check me. My mom had walked out to go find someplace quiet to pray. I was at a 4.5, but she could feel another bag of water that hadn't popped. She said she knew what was going on. Within minutes she had my doctor in the room checking me and breaking the other bag of waters. Every half an hour she checked me, I was progressing quickly. I was told my bp was having a lot of problems while I slept and that the baby's heartbeat was too. I told my doctor and nurses that I thought there was a problem with the cord around the baby's neck. I was dismissed and I tried explaining that I really felt like there was a problem. I was given reason after reason why I was wrong.

My doctor had to leave at 8:00 to go to Blackfoot. I was at a 7.5. At 9:00 I was at a 9. It was almost here. They broke down the room, Sally was on top of everything. I asked if I could labor down I was terrified of ripping. Sadie was running to the hospital as fast as she could. I didn't want her to miss it. Sally watched the baby's heartbeat and said no we needed him out...now. The baby was right there and ready to come out. She grabbed the doctor on call and told me to start pushing.

It was finally here. It all felt so surreal. I kept saying, I don't know if I'm ready for this. We would finally know if it's a boy or a girl. I was numb, listening to the heartbeat. My room was full, nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists for the baby, my sisters, Chase, my Mom. I started pushing, they had me holding the monitor on the baby while I pushed. I needed to push harder, he needed to come out.

The doctor told me to push through the first contraction, they could see the head. They kept saying, there's so much hair. I smiled, excited to have another hairy little baby. The second contraction came, he was almost out. Danielle was video taping, all of a sudden she got wobbly and handed the video camera to my mom and collapsed into the sofa. She was white as a sheet, she put the air on her face from the fan and grabbed some juice from the table. I couldn't help but smile. It gave a little humor to the situation. The next contraction started I barely even had to push that time.

The baby came out. The coloring was awful and the cord was wrapped twice around the neck so tight. His little arms and hands were pulling at the cord around his neck trying to breath. We all watched to see if the baby was okay and then I noticed, OH it's a boy! I was overwhelmed, this was my dream. Every time my baby died in my dream. I went into defense mode, my emotions shut down while I waited for him to breathe. My room was silent. I thought minutes went by, but it was only 10-15 seconds. Then he let out a small cry.

I had him on my chest for just a moment while they cut the cord and then he was whisked away to be assessed. I never really saw his face. Everyone took photos and brought me pictures so I could see him. He was beautiful. He whimpered and started crying. They called out his stats to me. He was breathing, everything was perfect. He was perfect. 5 pounds 14 ounces and 19 inches long. They brought him back to me to hold for a minute and he was gone to the nursery. Chase followed him.

There were no tears, everything felt so unreal. I just waited to hear if he was okay. They stitched me up. Only a second degree tear. I waited for word how he was doing. 10-20 minutes later they brought him back. Everything was perfect, and he was finally here. My little Rhett Nicolas, lighter than a whisper. He is perfect in every way. I held him in my arms and kissed him. I thanked my Heavenly Father for my sweet boy and started planning my life with our two sons.

A Labor of Love

I was sitting in a room in a house I didn't know. I realized I was the only female in the house and looked around and recognized a few family and friends when Death, the Grim Reaper, walked through the door. I watched as he slowly walked past a number of people and stopped in front of me. Shaking I found my voice and stuttered, "Leave me and my baby alone". He looked at me and said, "I'm not here for you or your daughter." I looked at him surprised and asked, "So it really is a girl?" He didn't answer but said, "It's going to be a long few weeks." I didn't get the sense that someone was dying, only that some one's life hung in the balance....that's when I woke up.

I was uneasy and a little sick to my stomach. I was 32 weeks and the doctor said it could be anytime now. I laid in bed holding my belly and willing this baby to be okay, to stay in my belly a little longer. I dropped to my knees and started another heartfelt to prayer to my Heavenly Father begging as only a mother knows how for the safety of her baby.

Everything felt so uneasy about this pregnancy, from day 1. I monitored every movement, every contraction, every calorie. I prayed a few days later to see my baby in a dream. I needed to know she would be okay, I found myself in the same dream I've had the last few months.

I'm in labor and I'm pushing...the baby comes out with the cord wrapped around his neck. It's a little boy, he's not breathing. They tell me he died. I just watch as they take his little body away and they tell me to push again out comes a healthy little girl. The dream ends...

I call my mom and best friend. I can't stop crying. Everything is telling me something is wrong. The next few weeks I'm constantly on my knees begging to my Heavenly Father for a miracle. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, just as long as I am able to bring my baby home. As labor gets closer and closer, my prayers are more insistent and I find myself resolved to my Heavenly Father's will. Only time would tell what that would be...

My Crazy Pregnancy

The template for the new nursery!!

I'm currently 28 weeks and went to the doctor today for my glucose test and OB appointment. I'm hypoglycemic and last time I had the test I ended up passing out for two hours after drinking that stupid juice so they decided just to have me fast before I came in and skip the juice all together.

My appointment was for 8:45 in the morning and I was starving. It ALWAYS seems on the days when I can't eat that I NEED food. I was shaking from low blood sugar. I was car sick all the way to the doctor office and almost pulled over a few times. By the time I got to the doctor I was doing everything I could not to throw up. Women were asking me if I was okay in the waiting room and looking at me like I was about to explode, I'm sure I was pale.

Blood pressure was REALLY high for me. My highest I've ever had my blood pressure is 96/60 and I came in at 160/90. We checked it again before I left and it was back down after I had something to eat. I haven't gained any weight in the last 6 weeks which makes me SOOO happy, that is the WORST thing about pregnancy...watching the scale slowly climb.

They poked my finger like a diabetes test and took my blood sugar, it came in at 61! I was so glad they didn't take vials of blood I think I would have passed out. I was really shaky and they told me I could eat. Luckily I packed food and snacked between procedures.

My doctor came in and we started talking about all the contractions I've been having lately. Painful contractions 2-3 minutes apart with a lot of pressure, it usually last a few hours. He was concerned especially because I planned on buying our tickets to NY today. He wanted to check me and see if my body was progressing at all. He told me if I went into labor back in NY my baby would have to stay in the hospital back there for at least 6-7 weeks. He wasn't sure he felt comfortable with me flying out there anymore because everything seemed to be picking up again.

So he checked me, I ALWAYS forget how uncomfortable that is. I'm not dilating yet but I'm soft which he's not happy about. So apparently these contractions doing something. He checked to see if the infection came back, it did. He told me to start on the antibiotics and probiotics ASAP. I reminded him I'd been taking the probiotics for 10 weeks now. He was frustrated trying to figure out what we're going to do about my body.

I feel like my body is falling apart at the seams!! For goodness sakes there was spotting, allergic reactions, contractions, infections and my milk is already in because my body thinks it's going into labor!! I'm just trying to buy time right now, hopefully another round of antibiotics will give me another 6-8 weeks. I'm aiming for 6 weeks right now, that would be ideal! I can't imagine how scary it would be to go into labor at this point, my baby is only 2 and 1/4 pounds and 14.5 inches long!! Too tiny!!!

The heartbeat was great, and I'm always so relieved to hear it so strong. It took a while to find it this time and it had me nervous. I'm so excited to meet my little one!! I can't wait to have another tiny baby!! I've got all these preemie outfits packed for the hospital and HOLY COW they are tiny!!! I have so much left to do to get ready. I have to put together the nursery. We're planning on doing it like the photo above. Isn't it beautiful! I can't wait to get started on the mural!!! We have so much to do and it feels like I have a ticking time bomb. So hopefully while Chase is home this weekend he can move my office out of the nursery and we can start patching and painting the walls. I can't wait to see how the room turns out!!

I have the best family in the world. My mom and sister came over today to help me. They vacuumed my floors, swept and mopped and picked everything up. It's so nice to have everything so tidy. Random objects have been left on the floor, like Nerf darts and other small things and I really just don't want to pick them up. My vacuum has been sitting out for over a week while I'm trying to get up the nerve to vacuum my floors because my back and stomach are killing by the time I'm done! I'm so thankful they came to my rescue, they were definitely an answer to my silent prayer that a house cleaning fairies would come while I slept!

So as for now we're doing our best just to keep this little one from coming out!

Trials of my life

The last week has put a lot of things in motion of me. I've really reflected on the miracles in my life and thought what a great opportunity it would be to take advantage of my blog and write about some of these miracles. Last week was the greatest trial I've experienced as a mother. The experience I choose to share now is my greatest trial as a daughter. Life has felt like such a struggle the last three years. Our families have been hit with some of the biggest trials we have ever faced. This last month marks three years since this trial changed my life.

My mom was getting ready to go into surgery to have a hysterectomy, it was supposed to be routine. In the weeks leading up to the surgery my whole family felt very unnerved. My mom didn't feel like she would be waking up from the surgery and most of us has the same foreboding thought. I prayed what I could do to help my mom get through the surgery. I always received the same answer, music. I kept asking isn't there something more important I could do? The answer was always simple, music. So I thought okay if that's the only thing I can do, I'm going to go overboard.

I loaded every Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD, Afterglow and other peaceful music I could find onto my Ipod and at last felt peace that we were ready for the surgery. The surgery came and went and we were all relieved to see my mom wake up. She was surprised when she woke up in the hospital room. Immediately problems started arising. My mom got a horrible infection that was only kept at bay with severe antibiotics running on an IV every half an hour for two days. We couldn't keep her pain under control and she kept saying how she felt like her body was poisoned. Her lungs felt tight and we couldn't take her off of the oxygen machine. Finally they said we could go home, the respiratory therapist was worried saying she had crackles in her lungs and sent her home with an oxygen machine.

The moment we got her home things went downhill. No matter what I did for her she got sicker. She couldn't walk to the bathroom and back without her lips turning blue from lack of oxygen. She couldn't eat and spent most of the time throwing up everything I brought her way. Her face and eyes started swelling and the pain pills became a joke. She laid in bed crying unable to have any relief. Two days later after dozens of calls to the doctor's office I knew she needed to get back into the hospital.

She agreed to go to Madison Memorial only after I threatened to call the ambulance if she didn't get in the car. She was horrified thinking of all the ward members on the QRU who would show up to her aid. She cried and begged me saying she was too sick to go to the hospital and to wait another day. I called in reinforcements. With enough of her children saying she needed to go in she finally relented. I loaded her into the car on that icy day and set off for the hospital. I drove as fast as I dared, driving the back roads of Roberts, Menan and Rexburg to get to the hospital. Her breathing became very shallow and I was unsure if she was even breathing at times. I dialed 911 on my phone and kept track of the mile markers so I could call the ambulance. I put on the hymns and told her to focus on the music and when we could see the Rexburg Temple I told her not to take her eyes off of it. When we finally arrived at the ER the nurses were frantic trying to find out what was wrong. Her lungs were full of blood clots and her white count was sky high. The surgery had been poorly performed and she was full of abscesses. They told us if we hadn't brought her in she would have died in the night.

So a fight to beat the clock took place. Because of the blood clots in her lungs they gave her blood thinners and so she couldn't have surgery. If they didn't perform the surgery soon the infection would take over. Surgery was scheduled in a little over 24 hours they outlook was grim and they said they didn't know if she would live that long. She was moved into ICU barely conscious and unable to decipher day from night. Family and friends came to give blessings, offer prayers and stand vigil next to her bedside.

I was there early the morning of the surgery she kissed me goodbye and she told me where she wanted to be buried and which one of us girls was to have which jewelry. I held her until they pried her from my arms to take her away. Something passed between us and I knew she believed she would never see me again in this life. I watched her wheeled to surgery and I felt helpless. Chase held me and I sobbed knowing her life hung in the balance. After three hours I had a feeling of hope. Nurses and doctors came in to talk to us, she had made it through surgery. She couldn't breath on her own and would be brought in on a respirator. They told us to be prepared for what was about to happen.

My mom's lifeless body was brought in to the room and I sat by her bed holding her hand. She started struggling almost immediately, fighting the respirator, confused where she was and eyes wild begging for help. I spoke her to her as a child, crooning to her and willed her to have peace. All of sudden I remembered the music, the moment the hymns began she calmed down. For two hours she fought us to be taken off, gagging and thrashing on the tubes. At one point my sisters told me to go sleep for a few hours because the doctor's said it would only get worse from here. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping me standing, and I passed out in a wooden chair at a friends house a few blocks away.

My sisters stayed with her. The doctors told her if she could hold her head off of her pillow for 10 seconds they could take her off the respirator. My mother lifted her head at a 45 angle for 45 seconds staring down the doctors, daring them to say she wasn't ready. They took her off the machine, my sister's rejoiced at such a huge accomplishment. That's when alarms started sounding, her temperature started rising and topped off at 108*. My sisters were told this is where 90% of patients were lost. Ice packets were strategically placed and buckets of ice were dumped over her body. My sisters didn't understand how things had gone bad so quickly they started wondering what caused such an instant change. Someone had turned the music off. The moment the room was filled with the hymns her temperature started dropping and she began to stabilize. The nurses and doctors stared at my mom and told them under no circumstances were they to turn that music off.

An hour later Chuck walked in, he was annoyed by he music. He turned the music off. Alarms sounded as my mom rapidly deteriorated. The first thing they asked when they walked in was who turned off her music. Embarrassed he turned the music on and my mom stabilized. No one understood how this was working. The prophet was once quoted, “When your faith fails, that's when you call the doctor.” We were truly keeping her alive with our faith. What a testimony prayers are answered.

We were told it would be at least a week until she left the ICU and a month until she went home. The music stayed on and she progressed rapidly. The next morning they released her to a regular room. My mom had barely spoken because her throat was so sore from the tubes. It was my turn to sit with her and everyone left the room to get some sleep, eat and shower. My mom opened her eyes. For the first time they focused on something in the room, me. Her throat was raspy and she struggled for breath. She needed to speak with me.

She told me she'd been on the other side. I smiled and told her to go back to sleep, sure the pain pump was making her delirious. She refused. She said she could prove it. She told me I was going to have a baby. Now I knew she'd lost it. Chase and I had been married almost 3 years and had been trying nearly that entire time and even miscarried a few times. We'd never told our families and few friends. I laughed, playing along. “So when am I going to have this baby?” She looked right into my eyes and said, “right away”. I was shocked to here her so fervent and little did I know I would find out weeks later that I was in fact pregnant. She told me things I had never told her or anyone else. When at last I was convinced she had visited the other side she moved on to tell me of her experience. I listened as she spoke of heaven with it's majestic mountains and great beauty. She spoke of her youthful body and how happy she was there. She saw her family and loved ones and rejoiced they were back together again. She spoke of how little material things mattered. She filled my heart with such joy. Her family cried for her saying she would have many trials to face and there would be much sorrow and her return would be short. When at last she told me everything she could remember, she started crying saying how she could still here the angels singing. She remembered standing next to her body and the conversations was even in the room when the doctors spoke with us while they were bringing her out of recovery. She felt sick climbing back into her body when they brought it in. She said it felt like she was sliding into cold mud. Silently I pondered what she was saying as she fell back asleep. I felt very strongly to not push aside what she recounted because it was true.

There are many things I can't repeat and very few family members even know of the entirety of her experience. When they released her days later to go home, I was exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually. I exercised my faith in every way to keep her alive. When I found out I was pregnant Chase and I were overjoyed. We didn't wait to tell everyone Ruark was on the way, knowing he would make it to the birth. I have always felt since my mom came back that we are on borrowed time. Thankful for everything she has taught me, canning, sewing, how to be a mother. I thank the Lord for the last three years. Our relationship is getting better every day. She has promised me she's not going back to Chuck and I believe her. Whatever was going on seems to have resolved itself and she's no longer looking back. I don't want to waste the time we have left together, however long that is in this life. I can tell you I am excited for Heaven. I'm more sure than ever before that Heaven is just beyond the veil and that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and we can be together as families for all eternity.

Putting away the pink!!

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life and also one of the hardest. Today I woke up so thankful to feel this baby moving inside of my belly. He was kicking and wriggling all around. I've never cherished those little kicks as much as I do today. It's still a little odd to be calling this baby a boy, when I've "KNOWN" without a doubt for so long it's a girl. So today I'm putting away the pink!! Or at least most of it, I might keep out an outfit for the hospital. I wanted a daughter so badly but all those feelings have melted away and are replaced with such an excitement for this child.

I am SOOOO overwhelmingly lucky to be able to be a mother to these two boys. We're getting ready for Rhett Nicolas Andrews. I'm looking for matching bedding sets for the boys room and planning where everything will go. I can't wait to hold him in my arms, he is my little miracle. With a happy heart today I am clearing out the closet of pink, lace, ribbons and dresses. Chase is thrilled and already talking about buying bunk beds for the boys, I keep trying to explain Rhett is a little young for that. You can't put a newborn in a bunk bed!

What I know about this baby is he is stubborn. Absolutely stubborn!!! He refuses to cooperate when I try to move him from a painful position nor will he cooperate with the doctor or ultrasound tech. No matter what they did to move him around for a better position to make sure he is a boy, he refused. He kicked them away, and hit the ultrasound probe. He even put his little hand down there and covered himself when he finally moved into a semi-useful position.

Years ago my best friend Dixie was getting ready to have a baby and she was working on meditation to prepare herself for labor. So when life seems to be a struggle or I can't sleep at night because my mind won't turn itself off this is what I do.

I imagine myself going into an elevator and watching the doors close. (Now most of you don't know this but I am TERRIFIED of elevators, you always see them drop during movies and it freaks me out that I might get cut in half when I leave or enter. So my elevator is FANCY. It's help up by a million cords and there's no way it can fall. Otherwise this meditation might turn into a panic attack!)

So the elevator doors close and I see that I'm on the 10th floor, I feel the elevator descend and I fell as I go down floor by floor. I count down the floors 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2...1. The doors open and I'm standing in a beautiful meadow in heaven. I'm dressed all in white and I always see the same scene. The sun is shining there are bunnies and butterflies and even little woodland creatures all around. In the middle of the meadow is my family, they are having a picnic. Two little boys dressed in white are playing with wooden swords. Two beautiful little girls dressed in white are playing with their dolls and having tea parties. A smaller boy is flying a kite and is so animated waving hello and my handsome husband is holding a baby daughter on his lap. I spend time loving each of my children, kissing them, tickling and playing with them, picking daisies with them and watching them play while Chase and I rest under a tree. I have such peace in this place. This is my heaven. It has never felt closer then it does today.

I cannot wait to hold each of children in my arms and right now I can't get them here fast enough. I am dreaming of getting pregnant again and imagining how long it will be until my home is full. All I wanted all of my life is to be a mother, and I think I've taken it for granted these past few months of pregnancy. No more. I will give every bit of myself that I have to be a devoted mother and wife. I will not hold back for being the mother they deserve. I will show Heavenly Father how grateful I am and never let my children forget they are all my greatest blessings.

A day for a miracle

Today I woke up to get ready for my O.B. appointment and felt an impression to leave Ruark with a friend while I went for my check up at 9:00. I felt a little uneasy and nervous. It started out normal, checking my blood pressure and my weight. They put me in an exam room and my doctor came in. We joked and laughed for a few minutes about things going on with my pregnancy. I complained about the ultrasound tech who had said "it mysteriously looks like a boy", "he might have club feet, but I can't tell" and my favorite "he might have a hole in his heart but I just can't see". My doctor asked if I wanted to repeat the ultrasound and I told him no. As long as the heart is fine everything else will be figured out at the birth. He thought that was a good direction to go and to hop up on the table to check the heartbeat. This baby has ALWAYS had such a strong heartbeat. The moment he touched my belly the baby's heartbeat was booming out of the speaker coming in at about 160 bpm. I was so relieved to hear that he was okay. I even commented how thankful I was the heartbeat was so strong and that's when everything changed. The moment those words were out of my mouth his heartbeat stopped. Then it slowly started beating again, it was barely beating. I tried to stay calm as my doctor tried repositioning the monitor for a better area. The heartbeat stayed slow. After about 20 seconds his heart took off. I've never heard a heart beat so fast and labored. You could hear it gurgling trying to catch a rhythm, I watched my doctor did his best to keep calm. He said we needed an ultrasound to see what was wrong he gave me a list of scenerios and rushed out of the room to see when I could be fit into the schedule. I could be fit in was 4:15 and told to try to stay calm until we knew what was going on. I called Chase who had started texting me during the appointment and was worried something was wrong. I told him what was going on and he agreed we just needed to stay calm until we knew what was happening. I called my mom and that's when the flood gates opened. I sobbed remembering my two sisters who each had miscarriages/stillborns at 6 and 7 months. Their hearts weren't strong enough and they lost their babies. I knew I needed a blessing. I got over to my Grandpa's as soon as possible because Chase is out of town and there's no where else I wanted to go. He just got home from the temple and I felt sure he was in the perfect frame of mind to give me a blessing. During the blessing I could hear my Grandpa struggling trying to bless the baby with health. In the end he could only bless me to have peace, comfort and understanding. I was worried. I just wanted to hear the baby was okay. I went to put Ruark down for a nap and relax for a few hours at home before I had to go back to the doctor. I was going to put on a soap opera to get my mind off of everything. It felt so wrong to be asking for a miracle from my Heavenly Father and waste the time away with such trivial things. I spend the next few hours on my knees in prayer, reading my scriptures, watching conference talks and reading wonderful words of inspiration and prayers flooding in from facebook and text messages from amazing family and friends. I opened my scriptures to to start reading when my eyes fell on page, "behold I go to the mansions of my father and shall be clothed in glory". NOT what I wanted to hear. 3-4 times I opened my scriptures similar scriptures were the first I read on the page. Finally I turned to a different page and read "get down on your knees and pray". I don't know if I've ever prayed so hard. I was exhausted when I was done and climbed in bed to listen to conference and rest. For two hours I laid on my side waiting for the baby to move. No matter what I did to poke and prod the baby he wouldn't move. I was sick. When the time came to leave for the doctor I was frozen in fear in my bed, unable to move. Ruark went back to my friend's house and I set off to the doctor with my mom and my sister. The moment the ultrasound started you could see what a strong heartbeat he has. He was curled up in a tiny little ball and refused to move out of his position. He is a stubborn baby, he did the same thing at the last ultrasound. The heart was perfect, my doctor came in to check. He was amazed there was no longer any problems, we watched for half an hour and everything was perfect. He told the ultrasound tech he wanted the baby's feet checked for club feet. The feet were perfect, no problems. He wanted the gender checked again, she looked for a little bit and said, "they told you it was a girl, right?" we were all seeing that there was nothing between the legs for a three or four minutes and said no, they thought it was a boy. She was surprised. Finally she said oh well, I think there are testicles right there. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I told her we were told the same thing last time and we needed her to check further. Baby was not cooperating, as usual. He stayed in a little ball and finally she said oh I'm sure it's a boy I think it's right there. Of course his hand was down there covering himself. We didn't really care. The only thing that mattered is that the baby is healthy. I know my baby was having problems, we heard his struggled heart beating. I know it's because of the wonderful priesthood blessing I was given, all of the prayers and faith exercised on his behalf that healed whatever the problems were. I am so thankful for such a loving Heavenly Father who never left my side through this trial and provided me such sweet peace on a day full of turmoil.

Leftovers

Last night I had an idea. I keep thinking about the 10 virgins and how my lamp is so empty. I've put a clear container in my room and each day I pray, read scriptures, go to church or do anything to help my testimony grow I will put one glass rock in my vessel. I think it will really help to see how my "lamp" is being filled and give me comfort that while I feel disconnected I'm making progress. While this silly visual aid is just a reminder to myself, I think i will receive a lot of peace. I keep thinking of the life we had when Chuck was apart of our family. We never felt welcome to our mother's home, our children were never welcome. I remember shushing newborn babies in her home and doing everything to keep them from crying so Chuck wouldn't ask my family to leave. We lived for the days he went fishing, hunting etc, because we were finally able to have our family together. So many holidays past by without us being able to celebrate because Chuck didn't want us there. So many holidays my brothers and sisters went home in tears minutes after arriving at our family events because Chuck didn't "sign on" to have us in his life and cruelly threw us out. We walked on egg shells and did everything to appease him so we could stay in her life. We cringed at disgusting jokes and language with a smile on our face. We waited and subsisted on the leftovers of our mother's time. We waited until she called us from the bathroom of a gas station where Chuck couldn't hear us talking on their road trips. We waited until he left to go to town for us to come home. I thought this was normal, WE thought this was normal. How did we live this way for 15 years? I'm not going back to the way life was, my mom can't have her cake and eat it too. Whatever that expression means, I've never quite understood it. I remember the day Mom and Chuck were married. I was 11 years old and I told my teacher, "my mom is getting married today!" He asked what time I would be picked up for the wedding and I shrugged and said, "I don't get to go, they don't want me there." I remember the pain in his eyes but I didn't understand why he looked so sad for me. No one in my family was invited to the wedding or to their life. My mom was wonderful, my mom IS wonderful. Everyone who knows her, loves and adores her. She showers everyone with love and comfort and gives all she has to everyone. She brings home invalids from the jail and takes care of them for months and years. She made up for the cruel step father and the situation where I lived. She cried to have her children together and our family whole. I don't understand how she could want to go back to that life. I refuse to go back, no matter how much I love my mom, I don't know many who love their mom as I do, I will not allow that man back in our life. I need more, we all need more. We finally understand WE DESERVE MORE.

Clarity

Today there has been no more clarity, even after all that has been said. How dare I put how I feel on my blog? How dare I have any feelings over what is going on in my life? Why do I feel overwhelmed at the idea of saying how I feel, to ask for other's prayers when I feel so down trodden? Am I not entitled to my feelings of anger, resentment and utter heartbreak? I realize today how I have rewritten my life story. Today I have looked back and realized how much disappointment and anguish I have dismissed because I didn't want to burden others with MY pain. Not long ago Chase and I went to the Temple Visitors Center to view the beautiful exhibit. There was the most beautiful picture of the 10 Virgins. This picture has stayed with me and I keep relating to that story. I have always felt that my vessel was full of oil, that I have always felt prepared for the trials of life. The last few years have been so difficult. We have been hit with more problems than most families receive in a lifetime. I realize how I have given my oil to everyone around me. I have given to everyone who wasn't prepared. I buoyed others with my faith, I have prayed, mourned, sheltered and sustained others. I gave everything I had and now at this time in my life I realize how empty my vessel is. I have felt such a peace in all this stress today and I truly believe it's because of all the prayers given to the Lord on my behalf and for my family. I am humbled that so many would pray for me and that so many care. My life hasn't stopped spinning but I am standing still in the midst watching as my life turns. So many lies have been said and promises made. Even at this time I don't think my mom understands the choices she is making. I've been promised she's not leaving and she wants us in her life that we are the most important people in her life. How my heart rejoiced to only be told in the same breath that I am raised and it's none of my business what she chooses to do with her life and I should take whatever relationship she decides to give me. I feel embarrassed to have so many people know the pain I am feeling. Horrified, I've put so much out in the open for everyone. However, I am so thankful to have my yoke lightened by so many who have given such wonderful words of support and love. I feel strengthened for tomorrow and know that I am not alone.

Getting ready for baby

We are now a little over 20 weeks and we're definitely feeling like we're in the home stretch. We've been rearranging the house to accommodate a new baby. Ruark and baby #2 will be sharing a room together which will be really nice to not have my office moved downstairs until baby #3 gets here.

This pregnancy has been really hard, with the allergic reaction closing off my windpipe and the constant nausea and sickness and now contractions it feels never ending. At the Doctor's office we found out I have a type of bacterial infection that could cause premature labor and even a second trimester miscarriage. So I was put on an antibiotic and we were hoping it would clear up. Unfortunately it's gotten worse, the contractions are getting stronger and stronger and are near constant right now. I go in tomorrow for more testing to see what we can do to get it a little more under control.

As you can tell I'm in a little denial that his baby is really a boy, what with the ultrasound tech not being sure, the umbilical cord between the legs and covering the little bum with his little feet it was really hard to see what's really going on. Which is why we got, "it mysteriously looks like a boy" and "I think it's a boy". We're planning for a boy and a girl, we're going to wait until the delivery room to see if we get a surprise.

It's a boy?

Yesterday at our ultrasound we never really got a definitive YES it's a boy! Our ultrasound tech kept saying "it looks mysteriously like a boy". What does that even mean?! 8 times out of ten there was nothing there but once or twice we think we saw something. The ultrasound tech is pretty sure, however I am not. But we are moving forward with the idea of bringing another boy home. When they told me during the ultrasound, I must admit I started crying. Silent tears fell, until we were done. Then they put me in the lobby to wait for the doctor. I started sobbing when I called my mom. It got even harder when everyone kept staring at me like I just found out my baby had two heads. They kept asking what was wrong and if I was okay. I just really wanted to be alone to process.

When the nurses took me back they were really concerned about me too. The ultrasound tech came out and saw me still crying and told me that it's a healthy boy and that the day before there was a baby that didn't have an arm. I cried even harder feeling like a terrible mother. Everyone kept saying "she's just disappointed it's a boy" which really made the tears fall harder. What a horrible thing to say that I'm disappointed that it's a boy! I was a mess.

Slowly I've pulled myself out of all the tears and I am so excited to have this baby boy! His name will be Rhett, and I can't wait to have a little buddy for Ruark! I've already started planning their room and Halloween outfits. What an amazing experience to have TWO healthy boys!

A little about baby Rhett. He is a mover! For goodness sakes his amniotic fluid is full of bubbles because he moves so much. I've never even heard of that, the ultrasound tech was surprised. He is a thumb-sucker! Wow, is he ever stubborn! No matter what they did he refused to move out of his spot of legs crossed over his head. Which is what made it so hard to see that he is a boy. A boy after my own heart! I can't believe I'm going to have TWO babies to hold and love soon.

We are so lucky, Ruark already walks around saying "Rhett, Rhett". I can't wait to see these boys grow together.

Ultrasound TODAY!

In ONE HOUR we have our appointment for our ultrasound to see if it's a boy or girl! I am so excited to see him or her moving around. I feel so thankful to be pregnant again and be having my August baby! I thought I'd post a picture of me this morning, my belly seems so small this morning! I have so many hopes and dreams for this sweet baby. Most on my mind is will there be more wrestling tournaments or ballet recitals? Will there be trucks or dolls, blue or pink? I can't wait to know what we're having but I'm more excited to have another baby in my arms again! We're halfway there and we couldn't be more excited!

Is there a Daddy in the house?

People always ask me how I think Ruark will handle having a new baby...my answer? He is going to love it! He constantly talks about the baby and tell her, "night night baby". But lately he's taken to something even sweeter. He like to lay out the blanket put down one of our dogs wrap her up and carry her around. He burps her, he kisses her and rocks her back in forth. It is SO cute! I can't help thinking what a good big brother he will be. I know we are all looking forward to her coming to our home!