4:30

I'm 16 again. It's a beautiful summer night, my mom always has the heat on, she's always cold. I open my window like any other night thankful for the sweet relief the cool summer wind brings and climb in bed. I say my prayers and turn out the light...something doesn't feel right. The spirit tells me to get up and close the window, I try to ignore it, I'm hot and uncomfortable. The spirit tells me more urgently, get up close the window and lock it. Images of Elizabeth Smart flash before me eyes, and I get up and close my bedroom window and lock it. "Now lock your bedroom door", I listen and walk over and lock my door. Immediately I feel peace and collapse into bed, asleep within seconds.

Out of a dead sleep I awake panicked. My heart is racing, I feel the breath being squeezed out of my chest...I look at the time 4:30 am. "Go back to sleep!" I tell myself. But something is wrong and with every fiber of my being I feel it. "Listen," The spirit is almost shouting in my ear, "sit up and listen." My stomach is rolling at this point and I sit up to listen to the silence. 30 seconds pass when I hear it, the steps of a thief padding down the hallway.

My hallway. My breath catches, I know something is wrong. It's not my mom or anyone else I know, I can tell by the way they are carefully stepping. I can't breath. I feel sick. I listen as the steps come closer and closer to my door and hear the familiar *creak* just on the other side of the door. My door. I know they are there just on the other side of my door, my locked door. I start praying fervently, what do I do. Do I scream and wake everyone up? I know I should, but I feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm paralyzed with fear.

My door knob moves, I'm sick. "Please Heavenly Father, help me!" I scream inside, I feel so defenseless. No sound escapes my lips, I will myself to scream out. They try to move the door knob again more insistent this time, pushing on my door trying to force themselves in. Gripping my covers, holding on for dear life I start crying...begging for Heavenly Father's protection when I hear the voice of an angel.

My mother yells out "WHO'S THERE!" Feet pound down my hallway and the thief is running out the door. My mother's familiar steps are in close pursuit and I hear them both run out of the house and two cars pull from my driveway racing. The second car only moments after the first.

It is dawn before my mom is home again. She followed them with the lights off to her car but she didn't catch them. Like a snake they slinked into the darkness, eluding any chance for justice.

When my mom got home, I heard Chuck say from their room, "Is Nicole okay?" My mom pops the lock to the door, and as it flies open I know everything is okay. I crumble and I know my mom was watching over me, she was the angel I prayed for Heavenly Father to send. She tells me everything is fine, cradles me and tucks me in. It will be hours before any of us rest, years for me.

8 years. 8 years have passed, and I still find myself waking up at 4:30 am. Heart racing, listening for any sound that they are back. Even with Chase by my side, I shake in the dark. Many nights, I take Ruark from his bed and lock him in the room with Chase and I because sleep with come no other way. Other times, I know morning will start for me at 4:30 because somewhere out in the darkness I know that there is a thief who broke into my home and came looking for me. Someone tried to take me from my warm bed and my family. I know who that someone is...but it's not enough to know who he is. It's not enough to know where he is, locked in prison for so many heinous crimes I can't count.

I'm 16 again praying for strength and relief for hours of the night. I lay awake keeping watch over my most precious jewel Ruark. I am no longer scared for myself, that feeling was gone the moment I held him in my arms. When the sun dawns, I once again feel safe and give in to rest that has escaped me for so long. Hours go by like days when you feel the way I do at 4:30. My angel mother heard the shouting of the spirit, she was on the Lord's errand that night as in so many days and nights that followed. I am so thankful for my mother because I truly can say I don't know where I would be right now, without her.

Our House!

Two years ago I was halfway through my pregnancy with Ruark when I received a call from my sister. Her friend from work was selling his house and she told me I HAVE to see it. It was appraised for 260,000 and they were selling it for 200,000. I had no desire to leave our house on 11th street, we were just getting ready to paint the nursery, but my sister was insistent.



I followed my sister to what is now our home...Chase and I had driven down this same street and stopped at this very house and said how much we'd love to live here. They were just building it at the time and we were so disappointed. It was located in the area we wanted at the end of a cul de sac. We imagined how nice it would be to have our kids run and play here, but after a few minutes in front of the home we drove on and eventually bought our home on 11th street.

I pulled up to the house and I couldn't believe it was the same home. I walked in and it immediately felt familiar. It was so beautiful and we were in love. We went to the banks the next morning and we were immediately approved, unfortunately the market was slow and it took us nearly a year to sell our home, and it's been a year since that time waiting for the self-employment requirements to be fulfilled. We've been here for almost a year and a half before our loan finally went through. On June 31st, 2010 we bought our home one day shy of our 5 year wedding anniversary. We couldn't be happier!

Instrument in the Lord's Hands

I have a good friend and neighbor who offered to give me piano lessons for free!! She is an AMAZING teacher and I am learning so quickly! It has always been a dream of mine to play the piano. This picture is acutally a piano I bought when I first started playing, but it was never sent so Ebay refunded my money, so for now I'm playing on a keyboard.

When Chase and I were first married I got a phone call from the Primary Presidency, they said they had really been praying about who should fulfill this calling and they told me they felt very strongly that I should be piano player for the Primary, they asked if I would except this calling....

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SILENCE

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"I would never turn down a calling, but I don't know how to play the piano," was the only thing I could reply. They couldn't believe it because they had felt so strongly that this was to be my calling. They told me they must have been mistaken.

FAST FORWARD

1 month ago I was sitting in the Bishop's office getting a team teaching calling in the Primary, teaching CTR 5. When they asked if I could play the piano, I laughed and told them the story of what happened nearly 5 years before. The 1st counselor of my Bishopric relayed a very interesting story that happened years ago when he was in the Bishopric back East.

This particular ward needed a new piano player for the congregation, every Sunday. The Bishopric prayed and felt very strongly about a young man. They called him in and asked if he would accept this calling...he sat there in shock and said yes.

What the Bishopric did not know was this young man had never played the piano before. Monday morning he set up piano lessons and picked up beginning books. Each week he learned a new song to play and would play for the congregation, but eventually he was able to play a list of songs. They offered to release him because there were many piano players in the ward, he declined feeling that he was needed to fulfill this calling.

He challenged me to start learning to play. That was all it took, I started that week. Janina and I start out every lesson with a prayer and I truly believe the spirit is helping me understand and progress far more quickly than I could have ever hoped on my own. I am so thankful for this opportunity to develop new talents. Now I'm just hoping to be an instrument in the Lord's hands.