Chasing Our American Dream

Ruark turned 3!!

2012-01-08T16:59:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to present our Candy Land birthday party extravaganza!! I tried to make most of the decor look like candy rather than putting out too much candy. I could just imagine how happy all those parents would have been to have all kids sent home hyped up on sugar. I had planned for each child to decorate their own gingerbread house but finally decided at the party with all the confusion to just send each child home with their own kit.

Rhett was happy to entertain the Grandma's! I didn't hold him for more than a minute or two during the party because everyone was loving on him. He loved all the attention and just smiled and watched everyone.

Four Generations!

I left out all my Christmas decor that had anything to do with the Candy land theme.

Ruark couldn't believe his eyes when he walked out to find the house looking like this! He was running around yelling, "my party!!" "LOOOK!!!!"

We played pin the tail on the donkey and the prize was the Candy land game. We put the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on downstairs for the kids to watch.

The kids LOVED the gift boxes this year and I have to say they were pretty fantastic and full of great toys including ice cream cone shooters, lollipops, spinners, punch balls, candy, gingerbread crayons, pinwheels, stickers and rainbow spinners.

Me and my little 3 year old!

Christmas flew by and days later I was breaking down all the decorations to make room for Ruark's 3 year birthday party!! What to do for the most amazing little boy I've ever known. Well he LOVES the game Candy land, candy and colors are a big part right now. So we pulled it all together and I have to say it turned out FANTASTIC!!!

I started out by covering all the couches with white sheets for the winter wonderland and also to help protect from stains. I covered most everything with buffalo snow which I scored for 90% off after Christmas! It was a great backdrop against all the bright decorations.

We covered Ruark's door with streamers and covered the floor in balloons for when he woke up. He had been talking about his birthday party for days and was so excited when he woke up to everything decorated. It was a long night, but I wanted to spend every minute possible with him on his special day.

Ruark and Rhett after Ruark's special breakfast. I was all set to make a huge breakfast with sausage, eggs, waffles and fruit. But nope Ruark wanted a peanut butter and jelly sand which. His FAVORITE food in the world. He asks for one for every meal. :) He was SOOO excited he finally got one for breakfast!

The huge tree is part of our "licorice forest" :)I found it on Oriental Trading for 15!! On sale from 80.00!

We made lollipops with balloons, cellophane, curling ribbon and balloon sticks. We covered presents to look like candies, using tissue paper, cellophane and more ribbon.

We made "hard candies" by putting balloons inside cellophane and using bright curling ribbons on each side.

Sadie made Rock candies by taking some bright wrapping foil from the dollar store cutting it into squares and attaching them to a wrapping paper roll. They were so cute!

We finished off the night with fireworks, some MAJOR ones my brother brought back from Missouri. We shot off 3 to celebrate 3 years! Here's Ruark with Sam and Noah his best buds and cousins.

We waited and prayed for so long to have kids and we are so excited every year to plan their parties. It takes work but it is totally worth it. Ruark talks every day all day long about his party and how much fun it was. The kids loved it too and I'm already mulling over ideas for next year and Rhett's party in just 6 months!! Our house was full of family and kids running around together, we are so blessed to have so many family and friends who were able to make it to celebrate our his birthday! I still can't believe my baby is 3!!! Oh but what an awesome 3 year old he is, we could not be more proud!

Things happen for a reason

2012-01-08T16:28:00.000-08:00

My focus the past few months has not been my blog. I spent so much time curled up in bed dealing with pain and filled with fear that now I'm all about living life! I'm more active then ever before, enjoying my two boys, my husband and my GREAT health! It's been a busy few months.

I've noticed more and more that my balance is REALLY REALLY off. It had been most of my pregnancy. When I was about 22 weeks pregnant I had just got home from church and I was standing in my bathroom when all of a sudden I started tipping over. My arms clung to the side of my body and refused to move and I fell like a tree *TIMBER* and slammed into my tile floor. OW! After years of dance and gymnastics I couldn't understand HOW my body not only fell over but my arms REFUSED to react. I was completely stunned and laid on the floor for a good 20 minutes. Well fast forward to now. My AWESOME brother is finally back in town and opened up his own family practice I asked him to adjust me.

He laughed at me when I told him how I've been really off balance the past few months until he looked at my feet. They were INCHES off. I can't remember the medical terminology but my hips are REALLY messed up. After pulling and pulling they are getting better but still a work in progress. When I asked how they could get this bad he told me I must have hit them really hard to get them this far out.

That's when a huge *A-HA!!* moment came to me!!! For months my doctor couldn't believe I hadn't gone into labour, Rhett should have been born extremely premature. My hips weren't aligned therefore he couldn't descend even with all the contractions. To the angels in heaven who held my arms to my side and shoved me over, THANK YOU!!! I feel incredibly blessed!

Multiply and Replenish the Earth

2011-11-08T12:28:00.000-08:00

Well people can be blunt can't they? The decision of when and how many children to have is SUPPOSED to be between a husband, wife and the Lord. It's incredible that people think such a sacred topic is up for a community discussion. Before we started having children an in-law told me, "you will be a terrible mother". When I was 5 weeks pregnant with Ruark a dear friend told me, "I always thought you were too selfish to have children". Not long after the birth of Ruark my in-laws asked me, "do you think you'll have any more?" I was surprised. I told them, "Of course, I want to have 12!" Not technically a realistic number but somewhere in my mind that seemed like an appropriate statement, a huffy reply came back, "And WHO do you suppose will take care of all of those children?"

Before I gave birth to Ruark I remember feeling terrified. I'm sure all parents are feel the same way. I remember falling to my knees in prayer begging Heavenly Father to make me a good mother. I remember thinking what if I don't like being a mom? What if I am too selfish. A very sweet peace came to me and the words that I heard were, "Our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness is centered around the family, this is where you will find your greatest joy."

All my life all I wanted to was to be a mother. In school when they asked what I wanted to be I always said "A MOM" and I was PROUD of it. Yes I had wanted to be a Doctor and even looked into being a Lawyer at one point, but that was all just a dream. Becoming a Mother was what I had yearned for as long as I can remember. I nannied during the summer and after school for my nieces and nephews from the age of 8. I rocked them and loved them as much as my brothers and sisters had loved me. I dreamed about my own children in those rocking chairs.

The decision to wait to have children, wasn't really ours. Although I do appreciate the time Chase and I had to be alone and prepare our life to bring children into our family. About two months after we got married I passed something that looked like a placenta and was the size of my fist. After going to the Doctor the next day they said, "Yep it looks like you were probably pregnant". Chase and I went on for the next 3 years trying on and off to get pregnant. Nothing happened and we were discouraged. It was hard hearing those statements made to me and have others act like I was incapable of loving a child. After all the horrible things that have been said to me (there really are too many for me to even put down on paper) these are the ones that still feel like a knife twisting in my gut.

There have been a lot of changes in our life the past year. This time last year I got I pregnant with Rhett. It's amazing to think back on the person I waa and I am grateful for the growth I have experienced. I was running my business, taking care of my son, crafting, running my household, fulfilling my callings, throwing parties and entertaining friends. There was a fire in my eyes and a feeling that I could take on the world. Then I got pregnant and my whole world changed. I was sick, not just throwing up sick from morning sickness. Life-threatening sickness to both myself and my son. When I had my allergic reaction, they told me I could use benedryl and other natural remedies until it started to restrict my airway. Although the epinephrine shot would save my life they couldn't guarentee it wouldn't kill my tiny baby. Not only could I not move because of the morning sickness and my body being swollen from the allerigies but I felt like I was carrying an elephant on my chest. I waited and prayed and told no one. I was afraid, I would pray while I was going to sleep those nights because my breathing would slow so much before I drifted off that I was afraid I would stop. So I suffered through it and against the odds it slowly got better even though the restrictions to my airway lasted a few months. Right up until the other problems began.

Almost everyone knows of the infections, heart problems, contractions for 5 months, two water sacks, blood clots, mini-strokes, a premature baby and all without a husband in town to help. But we made it through, thank goodness for my Mother. I never could have made it through without her.

At my 6 week post-partum appointment I had a LONG LONG LONG list of questions for my Doctor. To pretty much sum it all up the questions all ended, "what is the possibility that I will have these problems again?" I probably won't. "I want to get pregnant in the near future, what do I need to do". He didn't blink an eye, I guess he's heard that question before. Just get myself healthy and he will do everything in his power to prevent it happening again.

At a family event not long ago someone asked me, "do you think you'll have any more?". Without a doubt in my mind I replied "Absolutely!" They were shocked and I don't care what people say. When they brought Rhett back to me from the nursery just after his birth I knew I would get pregnant soon. I told my Mother, I'm not going to tell anyone when I get pregnant. What will people think of me? They will all be talking about me and passing judgement. I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm showing or until I can't hold the news in any longer.

I promise I'm not pregnant, my baby is only 3 months old! But I've decided that I will not be ashamed that my greatest desire is to have a home filled with the laughter of children. We bought a new car last month to seat 7 and I plan on filling it up. My heart aches to have a third, fourth and fifth child in my home. It fills my every thought. How much longer until I will feel another child growing inside of me? So much of the joy of pregnancy was stolen from me with Rhett.

I hear others passing judgement on WHY ______ is having another baby, haven't they heard of birth control? They have enough kids! Beware I will not allow those things to be said about me or my children. It is not up for discussion in public or private.

I WANT my children and I will not apologize that the world's standards have changed to a very selfish ME attitude. What about ME? What about MY body, MY time, MY sleep? All I heard during my pregnancy with Rhett was you only need TWO children and then you need to stop. I started believing it. Until I held my precious son in my arms and I knew this couldn't be the last time, this was only the beginning.

I am grateful for the trials I overcame this last year. I like to think that I am more kind and understanding, that I think of my needs less, I think of others more. The fire I once had is dim. I'm humbled from the months of service others gave to our family. For once in my life I wasn't able to take charge of a situation and barrel through it alone, I had to accept the help of others. This was always something my pride stood in the way of. I'm grateful beyond belief to hold my son when he cries and rock him back to sleep at night. I know my arms would have always felt lonely if one of those problems had kept him from us. There isn't anything I could buy in any store that could take the place of my boys. I hold more love in my heart for them then I ever knew possible.

This morning I was reading through the General Conference talks in the Ensign, I came across a talk I had missed during conference. There are a few points that stuck in my mind, "We believe in families, and we believe in children." "Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family."

I couldn't have said this better myself. "Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gives you time for." I love my sweet family, I am so thankful for my husband and children and I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who leaves no question to whether we should have children but merely asks, "Where is our faith?"

My Heavenly Father has extended the calling to us to "multiply and replenish the earth". I know that now it is up to me and my husband to move forward with faith and trust in Him and we will find more happiness in our home then we ever would have found from any other worldly possession.

Blessing Day

2011-09-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Rhett

Ruark
Rhett

Ruark

Sunday was September 11th and we blessed our little Rhett Nicolas at our home. Chase did an amazing job and Rhett. The spirit was really strong. A few things that really struck me during the blessing is that Rhett would come to know our Savior as much in this life as he knew him in the pre-existence and Rhett will be able to decipher good from evil and be a great example. We feel so lucky to have Rhett in our home with us. It was a long and scary pregnancy but it was all worth it to have his sweet spirit here with us.

We had an amazing dinner after the blessing. We made pulled pork sandwiches and BBQ chicken, homemade baked beans and home grown veggies from the garden. For dessert we had peach and blackberry shortcake with fresh whipped cream. It was so good, which is great because we'll be eating the leftovers for the next week! I always make too much food because I'm always so worried that there's won't be enough. Even with people going back for seconds and thirds there's still a lot left.

There are a lot of similarities between Ruark and Rhett. I wanted to see side by side how much they look alike, but there are already some huge differences in personalities. When Rhett was a week old I grabbed the bulb to clean out his nose, I'd only suctioned twice when he started screaming and holding his breath until he turned purple and then took a deep breath in only to have him go white as a sheet and have his little eyelids flutter like he was going to pass out. When he wants something we wants it NOW. He's a lot like me in that respect. Ruark on the other hand was calm and patient.

Rhett went to his 2 MONTH checkup this week, where has the time gone? He now weighs in at 11 pounds 14 ounces and is 23 inches long! He has gained 6 pounds and grown 4 inches since his birth. When we went to his 2 week checkup he wasn't even on the charts yet, which was to be expected because he was 4 weeks early. Now he's in the 50% for height and weight!! He's growing so quickly!! I'm ready to have him grow at this point. I'm excited to see the boys play together and I know Ruark can't wait. He's so great with Rhett, he holds and kisses him, shushes him when he's crying and is constantly making sure that Rhett has a blanket and Binky. Poor kid he still doesn't understand that Rhett HATES the Binky and will make gagging sounds until we take it out of his mouth. He's so dramatic, I guess it's only fitting that he was named after me!

Family Photos

2011-08-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

We were so lucky to have a beautiful day to take photos before Chase left, so here's a few of my favorites to share! I'm so happy with how they turned out!!!! I need to give a HUGE shout out to my sister for taking the photos, Danielle Kingston you are the BEST!!

Going Home

2011-08-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

Recovery after the second baby is SOOOOO much easier. I felt better the next day then I did my entire pregnancy. It was great. The first night in the hospital was GREAT. Rhett slept great. Chase and I watched a few episodes of Glee via Netflix on our laptop and then headed to bed. A few seconds after laying Rhett down he started laughing and giggling for a good 10-15 seconds. It was the sweetest sound. I couldn't help thinking that was directed at Chase and I because we thought he was going to be a girl. Oh we love and adore out little Rhett.

We headed home 48 hours after delivery. We had been there for 3 days between labor and recovery and were ready to be home. Rhett checked out at 5 pounds 8 ounces and a perfect bill of health. We were told not to pass him around because it burns too many calories and they wanted him to save his energy.

Ruark was so happy to have us home and to have his baby brother. He held and loved him, kissed him and then ran outside to play with his dad. We spent the next week inside of our little bubble before Chase headed back to work. Life is wonderful with two little boys. Rhett looks so much like Ruark did as a baby that sometimes I feel like I have gone back in time. I can't wait to see them grow up together! We feel so blessed for two happy and healthy boys!

Rhett Nicolas Andrews

2011-08-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

Me after 36 hours of labor...don't judge.

There was a double rainbow out my window after the storm.

The first time I held Rhett...

He wrapped the cord around his neck...not sure how he did that.

My baby boy.

Labor was long and hard. Only fitting to have a long and hard labor after such a long and hard pregnancy. It all really started on Friday evening. My mom and my sisters went with me to EIRMC where they checked me in 2 days before my 36 week mark. Contractions were hard and constant, I was at a 1 but after an hour 1.5 and I thinned from 25 % to 75%. I knew labor was a ways away but needed to know if Chase needed to head home. They told me to go home and sleep because it would be a few hours. The head nurse also told me she thought the baby was posterior and to work on my hands and knees and encourage the baby to turn around. What a blessing, had it not been for the baby being posterior he probably would have come much earlier with my contractions. I told Chase he needed to come home. I had an appointment with a woman in Rigby who does reflexology for Monday morning and had every intention of having him on July 11th.

Saturday wasn't much better, I kept contracting and feeling lots of pressure. I spent most of the day in bed with Ruark watching movies and holding him. I knew it wouldn't be long until there was another baby grabbing my attention and I wanted Ruark to know his mom loves him. The rest of the time I spent on my hands and knees trying to move the baby, I scrubbed my floors and walls. Chase was supposed to be home late Saturday night, but got held up at work and decided to leave first thing Sunday morning. I stressed I would go into labor in the night, but morning came and I wasn't feeling much of a change.

There was a problem. The baby seemed off, he was thrashing around like he was in distress. I have never felt anything like it. I kept worrying he was tangled in the cord. I prayed and worried. I missed Church because Ruark was still sleeping. He had stayed with family the night I was at EIRMC and had stayed up with his cousins until 1:30 AM. He needed his sleep and I was hurting and didn't want to go anywhere.

Chase walked in the door at 4:30 PM Sunday afternoon and we were so excited to see him! I felt a huge relief and at 5:00 PM contractions started. They picked up faster and faster until they were coming every 3 minutes and lasting about 2 minutes long. Finally at 11:00 Chase said we should try and sleep for a while. I laughed in his face but also figured it was a good idea to try and rest. I took a Tylenol and closed my eyes for a few hours.

4:30 AM came and I could feel the contractions were getting stronger, so I got up and got in the bath. The water didn't slow anything down, I got dressed, did laundry and labored in my silent, dark house. I woke Chase up at 6:00 and told him he needed to shower and get dressed, I texted my family and told them I thought this was it. I found a place for Ruark to go and I waited. Chase took his time getting ready, every time I turned around he was watching Spongebob with Ruark and playing with him. I was frustrated, I was in pain. I was crying and whimpering through the contractions. Finally we packed everything out the door and dropped Ruark off with our friends.

I was angry and emotional by now. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to go back to the hospital and be told it was a false alarm. I wanted to be done being pregnant and I wanted the pain to stop. I didn't want the stress of wondering if I was going to have a stroke or blood clots. I didn't want the worry that the baby wasn't going to make it. My doctor's office opened in half an hour and I decided to wait in the parking lot until they opened. I didn't want to go to the hospital again. Dixie called me and I spent a good amount of time crying to her between contractions, waiting to go in to the office. Finally I walked in the doors and told them what was going on and needed to be checked. My doctor was in surgery but two minutes later he told them to send me to labor and delivery upstairs.

I checked in and dressed down. I cried harder, I didn't want to be sent home. It hurt and I just wanted to be done. They checked me, I was at a 2. UGH I knew it, I just wanted to go home and cry. My mom came in and she was really excited. She told me no one in my family ever goes to the hospital bigger than a two, that's when our labor really begins. I relaxed and let them monitor me. The monitor didn't pick up any of my contractions, every time I laid down my back and legs ached and I wanted to scream. It felt like I was being ripped apart if I laid down. I stood up and walked around my room, just like I did at home. An hour later they checked me again, I was at a 3. I couldn't believe it. My mom called my sisters and they all changed their plans for the day so they could come be with me. I don't think they have ever seen such a happy pregnant woman. I literally jumped for joy. They told me I could walk around for a while. I ran the stairs at the hospital for a good 30 minutes and then I started feeling sick.

I went back to my room to lie down while they monitored me. The monitors still weren't picking up my contractions and now my legs were hurting from running the stairs. An hour later I was still at a 3, I was frustrated. I told them to monitor me standing up, because the contractions were strong. Sure enough they could see my contractions. They asked if I wanted some Morphine so I could relax, I told them no. I didn't want any drugs other than an epidural. With Ruark they gave me stadol and I was hallucinating through the night stuck in the Lego Batman game.

They told me I would have to go on my own and that they wouldn't help me until I was at least 38 weeks. I was pissed, I decided fine then I will go on my own. I walked the halls again, and half an hour later after another check I was still at a 3. I started panicking, I was not being sent home when I was this close. I started hyperventilating a little bit. My mom and sister told me to sit down on the birthing ball in my room and *POP* my water broke. I couldn't believe it! My family NEVER has their water break. The nurse confirmed it, amniotic fluid. The baby is coming! I was so excited, my baby was on his way.

They asked if I wanted a bath or how I wanted to handle my pain. I just wanted to rest. Now that I knew labor was finally here, I just wanted to lay down. My body hurt so bad, I labored for another hour or so and finally asked my doctor when I could have my epidural. He said anytime, GREAT! They told me they wanted to start Pit because my contractions were slowing down, I told them I didn't want any pit without an epidural. So my anesthesiologist came and and got it going. I rested and that's when the fun began...

Women of Idaho Falls flooded the hospital. Everyone was going into labor, most needing c-sections and the nurses were running around like crazy. MANY sick babies were born that day and doctors, respiratory therapists and pediatricians were running through the halls. I was overlooked, and ignored for 5 HOURS!! We sat there and waited and were given excuse after excuse why there wasn't a nurse to come in to monitor me or turn up my pitocin. They finally came in to turn up my pitocin and I was so exhausted, my body felt like it was giving up. It was 7:00, they told me I was still at a 3.5-4. They told me to try and rest.

10:30 I was almost asleep. I was still breathing through every contraction, pit was on the highest level and my epidural wasn't working in my groin. I felt pressure and aching. I started feeling like he was coming down through the birth canal. I needed a nurse to come and check me. They checked me last 3.5 hours ago and we had no idea where I was at. My mom ran out to get help. I never felt so much pressure in my life. I just knew he was coming. A woman had just walked in with her 5 children dilated to a 6, and was screaming in the next room. Her children ran screaming through the halls and I could hear her moaning and screaming and hitting her head against the walls. We were told there was no one to help me. They would come as soon as she finished. My mom started screaming at the head nurse that we needed someone in my room, NOW. I felt like the baby was coming out, my anesthesiologist came in not understanding why no one was coming. My blood pressure kept dropping I was at 96/46 and the baby wasn't doing much better. His heart rate dropped from 179 to 79. Alarms were going off. Still no one was coming. My mom was yelling in the hall demanding someone come in and help.

They finally came in giving excuse after excuse. I told her to shut up and figure out what was going on. I was still only at a 4. I didn't understand, something was wrong. I started explaining that I thought something was wrong. I had a feeling the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. I was dismissed and told that wasn't the problem and go to sleep. She told me I'd probably need a c-section. I started crying and praying even harder. I felt so weak and helpless. I willed my body to dilate and let my baby out. Chase gave me a blessing the day before and blessed me that I would have patience. I kept wondering WHY! Why do I need patience, I'm in labor!! I felt like passing out, my bp was so low. I fell into a restless sleep, they woke me at 3:00 to check me again. Still a 4. "You're probably going to need a c-section" was all she said and walked out. I really started crying now. I imagined them strapping me to the surgical table and ripping the baby from my body. I imagined the long recovery and the chance to deliver my baby being stolen from me. My mom and sister surrounded me (Chase was sleeping) we started praying, we texted family and friends and told them we needed prayers. I facebooked what was going on, I knew prayers were the only way I was going to get through this.

I was so hungry and depressed, I hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours. I asked for some food. Chase ran out to the "father's fridge" in the hall and grabbed some cheese sticks, a sandwich, crackers, and juice. I ate and ate. Everything tasted so good, I needed energy. I had nothing left to give, I knew I needed something more for the home stretch. I tried to slow down but I felt like this was the only thing I had control over. The more I ate the better I felt. I finally felt like I had strength to lift my head, my thoughts seemed clearer. I felt everything come into focus and I was determined that I WOULD NOT have a c-section.

My nurse called my doctor who got up and came down to talk to me. He didn't understand what was going on, he couldn't belive my labor was taking so long. Ruark's was only 9 hours beginning to end. He said we needed to turn all the pitocin off and reset my receptors to induce labor. That he would give me until the 24 hour mark from when my water broke or I would need a c-section. They turned everything off and my body stopped contracting. My bp kept dropping and they started giving me medication. I could feel pain in my groin, it hurt so bad. My anesthesiologist ran in to help. He gave me an extra dose of medication, and I started throwing up. He ran and got some nausea medication and I felt my body falling asleep. I could hear my baby's heartbeat, it was changing. Dropping lower and lower. Something was off. Chase, Angela and Danielle were sleeping. My mom came and sat by me. She told me she would not close her eyes and she would watch and make sure everything was okay. I was scared, I prayed he would be okay. Finally I gave in and I fell into a deep sleep, knowing I was safe and being watched over.

7:00 came and I was woken by an angel. Sally. The most amazing nurse I've ever met. I know she was sent by my Heavenly Father to protect me and my baby. She was what I was waiting for. She walked in and I knew things would be okay. She wanted to check me. My mom had walked out to go find someplace quiet to pray. I was at a 4.5, but she could feel another bag of water that hadn't popped. She said she knew what was going on. Within minutes she had my doctor in the room checking me and breaking the other bag of waters. Every half an hour she checked me, I was progressing quickly. I was told my bp was having a lot of problems while I slept and that the baby's heartbeat was too. I told my doctor and nurses that I thought there was a problem with the cord around the baby's neck. I was dismissed and I tried explaining that I really felt like there was a problem. I was given reason after reason why I was wrong.

My doctor had to leave at 8:00 to go to Blackfoot. I was at a 7.5. At 9:00 I was at a 9. It was almost here. They broke down the room, Sally was on top of everything. I asked if I could labor down I was terrified of ripping. Sadie was running to the hospital as fast as she could. I didn't want her to miss it. Sally watched the baby's heartbeat and said no we needed him out...now. The baby was right there and ready to come out. She grabbed the doctor on call and told me to start pushing.

It was finally here. It all felt so surreal. I kept saying, I don't know if I'm ready for this. We would finally know if it's a boy or a girl. I was numb, listening to the heartbeat. My room was full, nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists for the baby, my sisters, Chase, my Mom. I started pushing, they had me holding the monitor on the baby while I pushed. I needed to push harder, he needed to come out.

The doctor told me to push through the first contraction, they could see the head. They kept saying, there's so much hair. I smiled, excited to have another hairy little baby. The second contraction came, he was almost out. Danielle was video taping, all of a sudden she got wobbly and handed the video camera to my mom and collapsed into the sofa. She was white as a sheet, she put the air on her face from the fan and grabbed some juice from the table. I couldn't help but smile. It gave a little humor to the situation. The next contraction started I barely even had to push that time.

The baby came out. The coloring was awful and the cord was wrapped twice around the neck so tight. His little arms and hands were pulling at the cord around his neck trying to breath. We all watched to see if the baby was okay and then I noticed, OH it's a boy! I was overwhelmed, this was my dream. Every time my baby died in my dream. I went into defense mode, my emotions shut down while I waited for him to breathe. My room was silent. I thought minutes went by, but it was only 10-15 seconds. Then he let out a small cry.

I had him on my chest for just a moment while they cut the cord and then he was whisked away to be assessed. I never really saw his face. Everyone took photos and brought me pictures so I could see him. He was beautiful. He whimpered and started crying. They called out his stats to me. He was breathing, everything was perfect. He was perfect. 5 pounds 14 ounces and 19 inches long. They brought him back to me to hold for a minute and he was gone to the nursery. Chase followed him.

There were no tears, everything felt so unreal. I just waited to hear if he was okay. They stitched me up. Only a second degree tear. I waited for word how he was doing. 10-20 minutes later they brought him back. Everything was perfect, and he was finally here. My little Rhett Nicolas, lighter than a whisper. He is perfect in every way. I held him in my arms and kissed him. I thanked my Heavenly Father for my sweet boy and started planning my life with our two sons.

A Labor of Love

2011-07-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in a room in a house I didn't know. I realized I was the only female in the house and looked around and recognized a few family and friends when Death, the Grim Reaper, walked through the door. I watched as he slowly walked past a number of people and stopped in front of me. Shaking I found my voice and stuttered, "Leave me and my baby alone". He looked at me and said, "I'm not here for you or your daughter." I looked at him surprised and asked, "So it really is a girl?" He didn't answer but said, "It's going to be a long few weeks." I didn't get the sense that someone was dying, only that some one's life hung in the balance....that's when I woke up.

I was uneasy and a little sick to my stomach. I was 32 weeks and the doctor said it could be anytime now. I laid in bed holding my belly and willing this baby to be okay, to stay in my belly a little longer. I dropped to my knees and started another heartfelt to prayer to my Heavenly Father begging as only a mother knows how for the safety of her baby.

Everything felt so uneasy about this pregnancy, from day 1. I monitored every movement, every contraction, every calorie. I prayed a few days later to see my baby in a dream. I needed to know she would be okay, I found myself in the same dream I've had the last few months.

I'm in labor and I'm pushing...the baby comes out with the cord wrapped around his neck. It's a little boy, he's not breathing. They tell me he died. I just watch as they take his little body away and they tell me to push again out comes a healthy little girl. The dream ends...

I call my mom and best friend. I can't stop crying. Everything is telling me something is wrong. The next few weeks I'm constantly on my knees begging to my Heavenly Father for a miracle. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, just as long as I am able to bring my baby home. As labor gets closer and closer, my prayers are more insistent and I find myself resolved to my Heavenly Father's will. Only time would tell what that would be...

My Crazy Pregnancy

2011-05-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

The template for the new nursery!!

I'm currently 28 weeks and went to the doctor today for my glucose test and OB appointment. I'm hypoglycemic and last time I had the test I ended up passing out for two hours after drinking that stupid juice so they decided just to have me fast before I came in and skip the juice all together.

My appointment was for 8:45 in the morning and I was starving. It ALWAYS seems on the days when I can't eat that I NEED food. I was shaking from low blood sugar. I was car sick all the way to the doctor office and almost pulled over a few times. By the time I got to the doctor I was doing everything I could not to throw up. Women were asking me if I was okay in the waiting room and looking at me like I was about to explode, I'm sure I was pale.

Blood pressure was REALLY high for me. My highest I've ever had my blood pressure is 96/60 and I came in at 160/90. We checked it again before I left and it was back down after I had something to eat. I haven't gained any weight in the last 6 weeks which makes me SOOO happy, that is the WORST thing about pregnancy...watching the scale slowly climb.

They poked my finger like a diabetes test and took my blood sugar, it came in at 61! I was so glad they didn't take vials of blood I think I would have passed out. I was really shaky and they told me I could eat. Luckily I packed food and snacked between procedures.

My doctor came in and we started talking about all the contractions I've been having lately. Painful contractions 2-3 minutes apart with a lot of pressure, it usually last a few hours. He was concerned especially because I planned on buying our tickets to NY today. He wanted to check me and see if my body was progressing at all. He told me if I went into labor back in NY my baby would have to stay in the hospital back there for at least 6-7 weeks. He wasn't sure he felt comfortable with me flying out there anymore because everything seemed to be picking up again.

So he checked me, I ALWAYS forget how uncomfortable that is. I'm not dilating yet but I'm soft which he's not happy about. So apparently these contractions doing something. He checked to see if the infection came back, it did. He told me to start on the antibiotics and probiotics ASAP. I reminded him I'd been taking the probiotics for 10 weeks now. He was frustrated trying to figure out what we're going to do about my body.

I feel like my body is falling apart at the seams!! For goodness sakes there was spotting, allergic reactions, contractions, infections and my milk is already in because my body thinks it's going into labor!! I'm just trying to buy time right now, hopefully another round of antibiotics will give me another 6-8 weeks. I'm aiming for 6 weeks right now, that would be ideal! I can't imagine how scary it would be to go into labor at this point, my baby is only 2 and 1/4 pounds and 14.5 inches long!! Too tiny!!!

The heartbeat was great, and I'm always so relieved to hear it so strong. It took a while to find it this time and it had me nervous. I'm so excited to meet my little one!! I can't wait to have another tiny baby!! I've got all these preemie outfits packed for the hospital and HOLY COW they are tiny!!! I have so much left to do to get ready. I have to put together the nursery. We're planning on doing it like the photo above. Isn't it beautiful! I can't wait to get started on the mural!!! We have so much to do and it feels like I have a ticking time bomb. So hopefully while Chase is home this weekend he can move my office out of the nursery and we can start patching and painting the walls. I can't wait to see how the room turns out!!

I have the best family in the world. My mom and sister came over today to help me. They vacuumed my floors, swept and mopped and picked everything up. It's so nice to have everything so tidy. Random objects have been left on the floor, like Nerf darts and other small things and I really just don't want to pick them up. My vacuum has been sitting out for over a week while I'm trying to get up the nerve to vacuum my floors because my back and stomach are killing by the time I'm done! I'm so thankful they came to my rescue, they were definitely an answer to my silent prayer that a house cleaning fairies would come while I slept!

So as for now we're doing our best just to keep this little one from coming out!

Trials of my life

2011-04-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

The last week has put a lot of things in motion of me. I've really reflected on the miracles in my life and thought what a great opportunity it would be to take advantage of my blog and write about some of these miracles. Last week was the greatest trial I've experienced as a mother. The experience I choose to share now is my greatest trial as a daughter. Life has felt like such a struggle the last three years. Our families have been hit with some of the biggest trials we have ever faced. This last month marks three years since this trial changed my life.

My mom was getting ready to go into surgery to have a hysterectomy, it was supposed to be routine. In the weeks leading up to the surgery my whole family felt very unnerved. My mom didn't feel like she would be waking up from the surgery and most of us has the same foreboding thought. I prayed what I could do to help my mom get through the surgery. I always received the same answer, music. I kept asking isn't there something more important I could do? The answer was always simple, music. So I thought okay if that's the only thing I can do, I'm going to go overboard.

I loaded every Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD, Afterglow and other peaceful music I could find onto my Ipod and at last felt peace that we were ready for the surgery. The surgery came and went and we were all relieved to see my mom wake up. She was surprised when she woke up in the hospital room. Immediately problems started arising. My mom got a horrible infection that was only kept at bay with severe antibiotics running on an IV every half an hour for two days. We couldn't keep her pain under control and she kept saying how she felt like her body was poisoned. Her lungs felt tight and we couldn't take her off of the oxygen machine. Finally they said we could go home, the respiratory therapist was worried saying she had crackles in her lungs and sent her home with an oxygen machine.

The moment we got her home things went downhill. No matter what I did for her she got sicker. She couldn't walk to the bathroom and back without her lips turning blue from lack of oxygen. She couldn't eat and spent most of the time throwing up everything I brought her way. Her face and eyes started swelling and the pain pills became a joke. She laid in bed crying unable to have any relief. Two days later after dozens of calls to the doctor's office I knew she needed to get back into the hospital.

She agreed to go to Madison Memorial only after I threatened to call the ambulance if she didn't get in the car. She was horrified thinking of all the ward members on the QRU who would show up to her aid. She cried and begged me saying she was too sick to go to the hospital and to wait another day. I called in reinforcements. With enough of her children saying she needed to go in she finally relented. I loaded her into the car on that icy day and set off for the hospital. I drove as fast as I dared, driving the back roads of Roberts, Menan and Rexburg to get to the hospital. Her breathing became very shallow and I was unsure if she was even breathing at times. I dialed 911 on my phone and kept track of the mile markers so I could call the ambulance. I put on the hymns and told her to focus on the music and when we could see the Rexburg Temple I told her not to take her eyes off of it. When we finally arrived at the ER the nurses were frantic trying to find out what was wrong. Her lungs were full of blood clots and her white count was sky high. The surgery had been poorly performed and she was full of abscesses. They told us if we hadn't brought her in she would have died in the night.

So a fight to beat the clock took place. Because of the blood clots in her lungs they gave her blood thinners and so she couldn't have surgery. If they didn't perform the surgery soon the infection would take over. Surgery was scheduled in a little over 24 hours they outlook was grim and they said they didn't know if she would live that long. She was moved into ICU barely conscious and unable to decipher day from night. Family and friends came to give blessings, offer prayers and stand vigil next to her bedside.

I was there early the morning of the surgery she kissed me goodbye and she told me where she wanted to be buried and which one of us girls was to have which jewelry. I held her until they pried her from my arms to take her away. Something passed between us and I knew she believed she would never see me again in this life. I watched her wheeled to surgery and I felt helpless. Chase held me and I sobbed knowing her life hung in the balance. After three hours I had a feeling of hope. Nurses and doctors came in to talk to us, she had made it through surgery. She couldn't breath on her own and would be brought in on a respirator. They told us to be prepared for what was about to happen.

My mom's lifeless body was brought in to the room and I sat by her bed holding her hand. She started struggling almost immediately, fighting the respirator, confused where she was and eyes wild begging for help. I spoke her to her as a child, crooning to her and willed her to have peace. All of sudden I remembered the music, the moment the hymns began she calmed down. For two hours she fought us to be taken off, gagging and thrashing on the tubes. At one point my sisters told me to go sleep for a few hours because the doctor's said it would only get worse from here. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping me standing, and I passed out in a wooden chair at a friends house a few blocks away.

My sisters stayed with her. The doctors told her if she could hold her head off of her pillow for 10 seconds they could take her off the respirator. My mother lifted her head at a 45 angle for 45 seconds staring down the doctors, daring them to say she wasn't ready. They took her off the machine, my sister's rejoiced at such a huge accomplishment. That's when alarms started sounding, her temperature started rising and topped off at 108*. My sisters were told this is where 90% of patients were lost. Ice packets were strategically placed and buckets of ice were dumped over her body. My sisters didn't understand how things had gone bad so quickly they started wondering what caused such an instant change. Someone had turned the music off. The moment the room was filled with the hymns her temperature started dropping and she began to stabilize. The nurses and doctors stared at my mom and told them under no circumstances were they to turn that music off.

An hour later Chuck walked in, he was annoyed by he music. He turned the music off. Alarms sounded as my mom rapidly deteriorated. The first thing they asked when they walked in was who turned off her music. Embarrassed he turned the music on and my mom stabilized. No one understood how this was working. The prophet was once quoted, “When your faith fails, that's when you call the doctor.” We were truly keeping her alive with our faith. What a testimony prayers are answered.

We were told it would be at least a week until she left the ICU and a month until she went home. The music stayed on and she progressed rapidly. The next morning they released her to a regular room. My mom had barely spoken because her throat was so sore from the tubes. It was my turn to sit with her and everyone left the room to get some sleep, eat and shower. My mom opened her eyes. For the first time they focused on something in the room, me. Her throat was raspy and she struggled for breath. She needed to speak with me.

She told me she'd been on the other side. I smiled and told her to go back to sleep, sure the pain pump was making her delirious. She refused. She said she could prove it. She told me I was going to have a baby. Now I knew she'd lost it. Chase and I had been married almost 3 years and had been trying nearly that entire time and even miscarried a few times. We'd never told our families and few friends. I laughed, playing along. “So when am I going to have this baby?” She looked right into my eyes and said, “right away”. I was shocked to here her so fervent and little did I know I would find out weeks later that I was in fact pregnant. She told me things I had never told her or anyone else. When at last I was convinced she had visited the other side she moved on to tell me of her experience. I listened as she spoke of heaven with it's majestic mountains and great beauty. She spoke of her youthful body and how happy she was there. She saw her family and loved ones and rejoiced they were back together again. She spoke of how little material things mattered. She filled my heart with such joy. Her family cried for her saying she would have many trials to face and there would be much sorrow and her return would be short. When at last she told me everything she could remember, she started crying saying how she could still here the angels singing. She remembered standing next to her body and the conversations was even in the room when the doctors spoke with us while they were bringing her out of recovery. She felt sick climbing back into her body when they brought it in. She said it felt like she was sliding into cold mud. Silently I pondered what she was saying as she fell back asleep. I felt very strongly to not push aside what she recounted because it was true.

There are many things I can't repeat and very few family members even know of the entirety of her experience. When they released her days later to go home, I was exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually. I exercised my faith in every way to keep her alive. When I found out I was pregnant Chase and I were overjoyed. We didn't wait to tell everyone Ruark was on the way, knowing he would make it to the birth. I have always felt since my mom came back that we are on borrowed time. Thankful for everything she has taught me, canning, sewing, how to be a mother. I thank the Lord for the last three years. Our relationship is getting better every day. She has promised me she's not going back to Chuck and I believe her. Whatever was going on seems to have resolved itself and she's no longer looking back. I don't want to waste the time we have left together, however long that is in this life. I can tell you I am excited for Heaven. I'm more sure than ever before that Heaven is just beyond the veil and that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and we can be together as families for all eternity.

Putting away the pink!!

2011-04-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life and also one of the hardest. Today I woke up so thankful to feel this baby moving inside of my belly. He was kicking and wriggling all around. I've never cherished those little kicks as much as I do today. It's still a little odd to be calling this baby a boy, when I've "KNOWN" without a doubt for so long it's a girl. So today I'm putting away the pink!! Or at least most of it, I might keep out an outfit for the hospital. I wanted a daughter so badly but all those feelings have melted away and are replaced with such an excitement for this child.

I am SOOOO overwhelmingly lucky to be able to be a mother to these two boys. We're getting ready for Rhett Nicolas Andrews. I'm looking for matching bedding sets for the boys room and planning where everything will go. I can't wait to hold him in my arms, he is my little miracle. With a happy heart today I am clearing out the closet of pink, lace, ribbons and dresses. Chase is thrilled and already talking about buying bunk beds for the boys, I keep trying to explain Rhett is a little young for that. You can't put a newborn in a bunk bed!

What I know about this baby is he is stubborn. Absolutely stubborn!!! He refuses to cooperate when I try to move him from a painful position nor will he cooperate with the doctor or ultrasound tech. No matter what they did to move him around for a better position to make sure he is a boy, he refused. He kicked them away, and hit the ultrasound probe. He even put his little hand down there and covered himself when he finally moved into a semi-useful position.

Years ago my best friend Dixie was getting ready to have a baby and she was working on meditation to prepare herself for labor. So when life seems to be a struggle or I can't sleep at night because my mind won't turn itself off this is what I do.

I imagine myself going into an elevator and watching the doors close. (Now most of you don't know this but I am TERRIFIED of elevators, you always see them drop during movies and it freaks me out that I might get cut in half when I leave or enter. So my elevator is FANCY. It's help up by a million cords and there's no way it can fall. Otherwise this meditation might turn into a panic attack!)

So the elevator doors close and I see that I'm on the 10th floor, I feel the elevator descend and I fell as I go down floor by floor. I count down the floors 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2...1. The doors open and I'm standing in a beautiful meadow in heaven. I'm dressed all in white and I always see the same scene. The sun is shining there are bunnies and butterflies and even little woodland creatures all around. In the middle of the meadow is my family, they are having a picnic. Two little boys dressed in white are playing with wooden swords. Two beautiful little girls dressed in white are playing with their dolls and having tea parties. A smaller boy is flying a kite and is so animated waving hello and my handsome husband is holding a baby daughter on his lap. I spend time loving each of my children, kissing them, tickling and playing with them, picking daisies with them and watching them play while Chase and I rest under a tree. I have such peace in this place. This is my heaven. It has never felt closer then it does today.

I cannot wait to hold each of children in my arms and right now I can't get them here fast enough. I am dreaming of getting pregnant again and imagining how long it will be until my home is full. All I wanted all of my life is to be a mother, and I think I've taken it for granted these past few months of pregnancy. No more. I will give every bit of myself that I have to be a devoted mother and wife. I will not hold back for being the mother they deserve. I will show Heavenly Father how grateful I am and never let my children forget they are all my greatest blessings.

A day for a miracle

2011-04-05T18:41:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up to get ready for my O.B. appointment and felt an impression to leave Ruark with a friend while I went for my check up at 9:00. I felt a little uneasy and nervous. It started out normal, checking my blood pressure and my weight. They put me in an exam room and my doctor came in. We joked and laughed for a few minutes about things going on with my pregnancy. I complained about the ultrasound tech who had said "it mysteriously looks like a boy", "he might have club feet, but I can't tell" and my favorite "he might have a hole in his heart but I just can't see". My doctor asked if I wanted to repeat the ultrasound and I told him no. As long as the heart is fine everything else will be figured out at the birth. He thought that was a good direction to go and to hop up on the table to check the heartbeat. This baby has ALWAYS had such a strong heartbeat. The moment he touched my belly the baby's heartbeat was booming out of the speaker coming in at about 160 bpm. I was so relieved to hear that he was okay. I even commented how thankful I was the heartbeat was so strong and that's when everything changed. The moment those words were out of my mouth his heartbeat stopped. Then it slowly started beating again, it was barely beating. I tried to stay calm as my doctor tried repositioning the monitor for a better area. The heartbeat stayed slow. After about 20 seconds his heart took off. I've never heard a heart beat so fast and labored. You could hear it gurgling trying to catch a rhythm, I watched my doctor did his best to keep calm. He said we needed an ultrasound to see what was wrong he gave me a list of scenerios and rushed out of the room to see when I could be fit into the schedule. I could be fit in was 4:15 and told to try to stay calm until we knew what was going on. I called Chase who had started texting me during the appointment and was worried something was wrong. I told him what was going on and he agreed we just needed to stay calm until we knew what was happening. I called my mom and that's when the flood gates opened. I sobbed remembering my two sisters who each had miscarriages/stillborns at 6 and 7 months. Their hearts weren't strong enough and they lost their babies. I knew I needed a blessing. I got over to my Grandpa's as soon as possible because Chase is out of town and there's no where else I wanted to go. He just got home from the temple and I felt sure he was in the perfect frame of mind to give me a blessing. During the blessing I could hear my Grandpa struggling trying to bless the baby with health. In the end he could only bless me to have peace, comfort and understanding. I was worried. I just wanted to hear the baby was okay. I went to put Ruark down for a nap and relax for a few hours at home before I had to go back to the doctor. I was going to put on a soap opera to get my mind off of everything. It felt so wrong to be asking for a miracle from my Heavenly Father and waste the time away with such trivial things. I spend the next few hours on my knees in prayer, reading my scriptures, watching conference talks and reading wonderful words of inspiration and prayers flooding in from facebook and text messages from amazing family and friends. I opened my scriptures to to start reading when my eyes fell on page, "behold I go to the mansions of my father and shall be clothed in glory". NOT what I wanted to hear. 3-4 times I opened my scriptures similar scriptures were the first I read on the page. Finally I turned to a different page and read "get down on your knees and pray". I don't know if I've ever prayed so hard. I was exhausted when I was done and climbed in bed to listen to conference and rest. For two hours I laid on my side waiting for the baby to move. No matter what I did to poke and prod the baby he wouldn't move. I was sick. When the time came to leave for the doctor I was frozen in fear in my bed, unable to move. Ruark went back to my friend's house and I set off to the doctor with my mom and my sister. The moment the ultrasound started you could see what a strong heartbeat he has. He was curled up in a tiny little ball and refused to move out of his position. He is a stubborn baby, he did the same thing at the last ultrasound. The heart was perfect, my doctor came in to check. He was amazed there was no longer any problems, we watched for half an hour and everything was perfect. He told the ultrasound tech he wanted the baby's feet checked for club feet. The feet were perfect, no problems. He wanted the gender checked again, she looked for a little bit and said, "they told you it was a girl, right?" we were all seeing that there was nothing between the legs for a three or four minutes and said no, they thought it was a boy. She was surprised. Finally she said oh well, I think there are testicles right there. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I told her we were told the same thing last time and we needed her to check further. Baby was not cooperating, as usual. He stayed in a little ball and finally she said oh I'm sure it's a boy I think it's right there. Of course his hand was down there covering himself. We didn't really care. The only thing that mattered is that the baby is healthy. I know my baby was having problems, we heard his struggled heart beating. I know it's because of the wonderful priesthood blessing I was given, all of the prayers and faith exercised on his behalf that healed whatever the problems were. I am so thankful for such a loving Heavenly Father who never left my side through this trial and provided me such sweet peace on a day full of turmoil.

Leftovers

2011-04-03T07:40:00.000-07:00

Last night I had an idea. I keep thinking about the 10 virgins and how my lamp is so empty. I've put a clear container in my room and each day I pray, read scriptures, go to church or do anything to help my testimony grow I will put one glass rock in my vessel. I think it will really help to see how my "lamp" is being filled and give me comfort that while I feel disconnected I'm making progress. While this silly visual aid is just a reminder to myself, I think i will receive a lot of peace. I keep thinking of the life we had when Chuck was apart of our family. We never felt welcome to our mother's home, our children were never welcome. I remember shushing newborn babies in her home and doing everything to keep them from crying so Chuck wouldn't ask my family to leave. We lived for the days he went fishing, hunting etc, because we were finally able to have our family together. So many holidays past by without us being able to celebrate because Chuck didn't want us there. So many holidays my brothers and sisters went home in tears minutes after arriving at our family events because Chuck didn't "sign on" to have us in his life and cruelly threw us out. We walked on egg shells and did everything to appease him so we could stay in her life. We cringed at disgusting jokes and language with a smile on our face. We waited and subsisted on the leftovers of our mother's time. We waited until she called us from the bathroom of a gas station where Chuck couldn't hear us talking on their road trips. We waited until he left to go to town for us to come home. I thought this was normal, WE thought this was normal. How did we live this way for 15 years? I'm not going back to the way life was, my mom can't have her cake and eat it too. Whatever that expression means, I've never quite understood it. I remember the day Mom and Chuck were married. I was 11 years old and I told my teacher, "my mom is getting married today!" He asked what time I would be picked up for the wedding and I shrugged and said, "I don't get to go, they don't want me there." I remember the pain in his eyes but I didn't understand why he looked so sad for me. No one in my family was invited to the wedding or to their life. My mom was wonderful, my mom IS wonderful. Everyone who knows her, loves and adores her. She showers everyone with love and comfort and gives all she has to everyone. She brings home invalids from the jail and takes care of them for months and years. She made up for the cruel step father and the situation where I lived. She cried to have her children together and our family whole. I don't understand how she could want to go back to that life. I refuse to go back, no matter how much I love my mom, I don't know many who love their mom as I do, I will not allow that man back in our life. I need more, we all need more. We finally understand WE DESERVE MORE.

Clarity

2011-04-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today there has been no more clarity, even after all that has been said. How dare I put how I feel on my blog? How dare I have any feelings over what is going on in my life? Why do I feel overwhelmed at the idea of saying how I feel, to ask for other's prayers when I feel so down trodden? Am I not entitled to my feelings of anger, resentment and utter heartbreak? I realize today how I have rewritten my life story. Today I have looked back and realized how much disappointment and anguish I have dismissed because I didn't want to burden others with MY pain. Not long ago Chase and I went to the Temple Visitors Center to view the beautiful exhibit. There was the most beautiful picture of the 10 Virgins. This picture has stayed with me and I keep relating to that story. I have always felt that my vessel was full of oil, that I have always felt prepared for the trials of life. The last few years have been so difficult. We have been hit with more problems than most families receive in a lifetime. I realize how I have given my oil to everyone around me. I have given to everyone who wasn't prepared. I buoyed others with my faith, I have prayed, mourned, sheltered and sustained others. I gave everything I had and now at this time in my life I realize how empty my vessel is. I have felt such a peace in all this stress today and I truly believe it's because of all the prayers given to the Lord on my behalf and for my family. I am humbled that so many would pray for me and that so many care. My life hasn't stopped spinning but I am standing still in the midst watching as my life turns. So many lies have been said and promises made. Even at this time I don't think my mom understands the choices she is making. I've been promised she's not leaving and she wants us in her life that we are the most important people in her life. How my heart rejoiced to only be told in the same breath that I am raised and it's none of my business what she chooses to do with her life and I should take whatever relationship she decides to give me. I feel embarrassed to have so many people know the pain I am feeling. Horrified, I've put so much out in the open for everyone. However, I am so thankful to have my yoke lightened by so many who have given such wonderful words of support and love. I feel strengthened for tomorrow and know that I am not alone.

Is this really my life?

2011-04-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

My world is spiraling. My mom is getting back together with my step-dad. Which normally wouldn't be so such a horrible thing for me to see a marriage saved. Except for the fact that he is the most vile, disgusting and selfish man I've ever known. To top it off the deal with them getting back together is that she can no longer have contact with her children and grandchildren. I feel lost and alone, I'm losing my mother, my best friend, my business partner and the only grandmother my children had left. Chase's mom is in the hospital, she has frontal lobe dimentia. She'll never be healthy again and we slowly watch as any part of who she was disappears. Chase's dad is engaged to a 21 year old girl, what more can I say about that? My father's wife doesn't want anything to do with any of my dad's grandkids and now my mom is leaving. I feel like an orphan. I keep thinking what kind of family am I bringing my children into? There has been no explanation as to why. Last night I climbed in bed with Ruark in his little toddler bed and held him and sobbed. I could never leave him or cut him out of my life. So how do I move forward? I feel like I have no where to turn, like there's no direction I can go. So I'm holding on to where I am. We will be the calm in the storm for our children, we will give out children the life we never had. We will show that moms and dads don't leave.

Getting ready for baby

2011-03-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

We are now a little over 20 weeks and we're definitely feeling like we're in the home stretch. We've been rearranging the house to accommodate a new baby. Ruark and baby #2 will be sharing a room together which will be really nice to not have my office moved downstairs until baby #3 gets here.

This pregnancy has been really hard, with the allergic reaction closing off my windpipe and the constant nausea and sickness and now contractions it feels never ending. At the Doctor's office we found out I have a type of bacterial infection that could cause premature labor and even a second trimester miscarriage. So I was put on an antibiotic and we were hoping it would clear up. Unfortunately it's gotten worse, the contractions are getting stronger and stronger and are near constant right now. I go in tomorrow for more testing to see what we can do to get it a little more under control.

As you can tell I'm in a little denial that his baby is really a boy, what with the ultrasound tech not being sure, the umbilical cord between the legs and covering the little bum with his little feet it was really hard to see what's really going on. Which is why we got, "it mysteriously looks like a boy" and "I think it's a boy". We're planning for a boy and a girl, we're going to wait until the delivery room to see if we get a surprise.

It's a boy?

2011-03-17T08:42:00.001-07:00

Yesterday at our ultrasound we never really got a definitive YES it's a boy! Our ultrasound tech kept saying "it looks mysteriously like a boy". What does that even mean?! 8 times out of ten there was nothing there but once or twice we think we saw something. The ultrasound tech is pretty sure, however I am not. But we are moving forward with the idea of bringing another boy home. When they told me during the ultrasound, I must admit I started crying. Silent tears fell, until we were done. Then they put me in the lobby to wait for the doctor. I started sobbing when I called my mom. It got even harder when everyone kept staring at me like I just found out my baby had two heads. They kept asking what was wrong and if I was okay. I just really wanted to be alone to process.

When the nurses took me back they were really concerned about me too. The ultrasound tech came out and saw me still crying and told me that it's a healthy boy and that the day before there was a baby that didn't have an arm. I cried even harder feeling like a terrible mother. Everyone kept saying "she's just disappointed it's a boy" which really made the tears fall harder. What a horrible thing to say that I'm disappointed that it's a boy! I was a mess.

Slowly I've pulled myself out of all the tears and I am so excited to have this baby boy! His name will be Rhett, and I can't wait to have a little buddy for Ruark! I've already started planning their room and Halloween outfits. What an amazing experience to have TWO healthy boys!

A little about baby Rhett. He is a mover! For goodness sakes his amniotic fluid is full of bubbles because he moves so much. I've never even heard of that, the ultrasound tech was surprised. He is a thumb-sucker! Wow, is he ever stubborn! No matter what they did he refused to move out of his spot of legs crossed over his head. Which is what made it so hard to see that he is a boy. A boy after my own heart! I can't believe I'm going to have TWO babies to hold and love soon.

We are so lucky, Ruark already walks around saying "Rhett, Rhett". I can't wait to see these boys grow together.

Ultrasound TODAY!

2011-03-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

In ONE HOUR we have our appointment for our ultrasound to see if it's a boy or girl! I am so excited to see him or her moving around. I feel so thankful to be pregnant again and be having my August baby! I thought I'd post a picture of me this morning, my belly seems so small this morning! I have so many hopes and dreams for this sweet baby. Most on my mind is will there be more wrestling tournaments or ballet recitals? Will there be trucks or dolls, blue or pink? I can't wait to know what we're having but I'm more excited to have another baby in my arms again! We're halfway there and we couldn't be more excited!

Is there a Daddy in the house?

2011-02-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

People always ask me how I think Ruark will handle having a new baby...my answer? He is going to love it! He constantly talks about the baby and tell her, "night night baby". But lately he's taken to something even sweeter. He like to lay out the blanket put down one of our dogs wrap her up and carry her around. He burps her, he kisses her and rocks her back in forth. It is SO cute! I can't help thinking what a good big brother he will be. I know we are all looking forward to her coming to our home!

Girly Projects

2011-02-20T10:49:00.001-08:00

I am LOVING the idea of having a girl! Even though our ultrasound isn't until March 15th, I still am dreaming of lace and ribbons and bows. I tried to tell myself to hold off and wait until mid-March to start projects but I couldn't! So many fun things to do and change so that I have things fit for a little princess. It started with the moses basket. I bought it so it could be used for a boy or a girl, thinking neutral was the way to go. While the idea was a good one, I'm ready to see pink in this house! So the ideas started churning and before Chase knew what was going on lace, fabric paper dolls, pink and well...MORE pink took over the office.

BEFORE:

I bought the bassinet when Ruark was 6 months old, and never had the chance to really use it more than just if I was cooking in the front room. I always wished it had a soft pillow for his head. So I made a pillow and pillow case...it wasn't girly enough!

So I added some lace and NOW I am satisfied!

This is the finished quilt. The back is minky so it's all soft and cuddly.

I can't wait to wrap her up and bring her home to something so cozy, warm and beautiful! Now everyone just keep your fingers crossed that it REALLY IS a girl! :)

My Sweetheart

2011-02-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday we were so lucky to have the 5th Sunday and receive a special lesson in a ward. It was titled "Marriage and Divorce". It went along with a address given by President Spencer W. Kimball. It was such a beautiful talk and it went along perfectly with our next holiday Valentine's Day. As so many people if our family are getting divorced or are recently divorced, it has given Chase and I a lot of time to contemplate our marriage and strengthen it again.

Right now Chase and I are doing the 14 days of Valentines. Where we are doing something special for each other every day until Valentines Day. Yesterday Chase and I ran our treats to all of our home teaching and visiting teaching families. I found these adorable boxes, liners and toppers at Wal-Mart. Then Chase and I threw together some cupcakes and ran them out to everyone.

I have to share this recipe too. What can I say! I'm pregnant right now and food sounds SO good. But these cupcakes turned out so amazing and they were so fast!

All Fool's Cake

3 cups flour

2 cups sugar

1/2 cup cocoa

2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

2 eggs

1 cup oil

1 cup buttermilk

1 cup hot water

Put all ingredients in a mixing bowl. Except hot water. Beat thoroughly and then add hot water. Bake in 9 X 13 inch pan for 30 minutes at 350*. For cupcakes bake for 20 minutes at 350*.

So SIMPLE!

But then when they are completely cool (IT WILL MELT FROSTING IF IT'S EVEN A LITTLE WARM) top with my marshmallow frosting! If there was a frosting I were ever to bathe in, this would be the one.

Start with 2 egg whites stiffly beaten. Bring 1 cup white karo syrup to a boil and then pour slowly into egg whites while beating. This is most easily done in a mixer. Then add in 1/4 - 1/2 cup white sugar depending on how sweet you want it. Beat until stiff foaming peaks (about 5-7 minutes) Frost cake and top with shredded coconut!

Happy Valentine's everyone, I hope you all read that talk with your spouse this Valentine's season. What a great time to fall in love with your spouse all over again!

Potty Trained!

2011-02-01T09:42:00.001-08:00

It's now been almost 2 WEEKS since Ruark had an accident. He is doing AWESOME! We love it! I'm so happy to not being doing diapers for the next 8 months! Let alone all the money we're going to be saving!

On Ruark's first day without accidents he was feeling pretty cool and decided he wanted to wear his leather jacket around the house all day...with no pants. He looked pretty cute and stylish :)

We celebrated with HOT FUDGE SUNDAES, and man were they good! This is my FAVORITE recipe for hot fudge and I thought I would share my family secret :)

Boil:

1 cup cream

1 cube butter

1 cup white corn syrup

Add:

2 cups sugar

1/4 cup cocoa powder

1/4 tsp salt

(Whisk all these ingredients together before you add to the boiled liquid or else the cocoa powder will leave clumps)

Boil together until you get to a "soft ball stage" and then remove from heat and add

1 tsp vanilla

BEST HOT FUDGE RECIPE EVER. It hardens when it touches the ice cream but then goes chewy when it gets in your mouth, I hope you all enjoy!

***On a side note. This is also my no bake cookie recipe so if I have a bunch of hot fudge left over I throw in oatmeal, coconut, walnuts and marshmallows and I have cookies too!

Gender Maker says....IT'S A GIRL :)

2011-02-01T09:23:00.000-08:00

Here I am at 12 weeks, I feel huge already. I'm not surprised though, I got a belly really fast with Ruark too and then it stayed really tiny. Surprisingly after it got this big it went back down and now you can barely tell again, pregnancy is weird. I'm 13.5 weeks now and I'm almost back to flat!

Of course while I waiting to get pregnant this baby I was constantly searching for things to try next time I was pregnant. I ran across a test called Intelligender in the Walgreens during one of my many couponing trips. I was so excited I told my friend Amy she should try it. So she took it and it was wrong! HUGE disappointment. So I did more searching, reading reviews and blogs. I found a blood test...that cost $150! :/

So the search continued until I found a test called the gender maker! I was so excited to read the reviews on all the sites and so I bought one. Waited so impatiently for a week for it to arrive. (apparently my mail lady delivered it to the wrong house, she does that quite often) So frustrating!

So I called my mom and sisters and told them it was here. They were so excited that my mom called me at 6:00 the next morning to tell me to wake up and take the test. So I took the test...PINK PINK PINK! It said it's a girl, and I'm hoping so badly that it's right!

*TWO gender maker tests told me I was having a girl. They were wrong.

Potty Training Update!

2011-01-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

Potty training can be a little overwhelming! Yesterday I THOUGHT we were doing really well. No major accidents, so I thought to myself 3 days must be some kind of a record...then I was going to bed and we smelled something awful. Uh-oh.

Ruark has been getting really embarrassed when he has an accident. Plus he gets really upset because he doesn't get any candy if he doesn't make it in the potty. So apparently he pooped somewhere in my house and then stashed it under my bed because he didn't want us to know. GROSS! Yes, I WILL be sterilizing my carpets thoroughly this weekend!

My sweet friend Amy sent me a message with so many GREAT ideas for potty training, I thought I would share for all you moms out there who are embarking on this same journey with me!

First idea was to figure out what motivates your child. Ruark was easy CANDY! This kid LOVES LOVES LOVES sugar, I don't know where he get it. :) So for me it was an easy thought to use that for his treat when he goes potty. When he goes potty, you hear a big shout "YAY....CANDY!!" He knows every time he goes potty he gets some candy. Amy gave her kids 2 pieces or candy if they "tried" to go and 5 pieces of candy if they went potty.

One of her friends went to the dollar store and picked up a bunch of random toys like cars, stickers and candy and then wrapped them all and put them in a basket. The first time they went potty they got a prize then it was every two and so on. I LOVE this idea.

She said jump, cheer and praise them when they go. Call grandma, anything to get them excited to want to do it again. Another thing that helped her was to have another child who is about the same age and is potty trained to come over and show them how to do it. It helped her kids to see other little people being potty trained.

Another thing she did was go to the store and pick out a prize, for her daughter it was a doll. The doll had to stay in the bathroom but she could hold her in the package if she was sitting on the potty. She only got the doll after she went poop and pee on the same day. I'm going to the toy store tonight!

Also give them A LOT of liquid to encourage them to go, and don't get too stressed. Potty training is like a roller coaster. Some days I am so happy and other days I am so frustrated I want to cry and give up. But I'm looking forward to a few months without doing diapers! Even if it does mean I'll be doing more laundry!

The Blessing Dress

2011-01-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

We tried for a girl. For months I read up on all the old wives tells, all the methods people use and combined everything to try to get a girl this time around. I balanced my pH through diet, Chase balanced HIS pH, we used the Shettles method and everything else we could read. Now we're just waiting to see if all of our hard work paid off! My doctor thinks in might be a girl from her heartbeat, as does the ultrasound tech. Ruark's heartbeat was 110 bpm and this baby is 172bpm. Huge difference. In a few weeks we'll see if it's a boy or girl.

Well at the start of this pregnancy my mom, sisters and I were all looking at flower girl dresses. We buy flower girl dresses for my nieces every year because they are usually the best prices and most beautiful, plus we can get them in every size we need. You can click here to see the dress we picked this year. On all these sites they are co-mingled with all these blessing dresses. So we all kept browsing through these beautiful dresses when I came to this BEAUTIFUL dress called the "bianca". I was in love, until I saw the price $405.00! There is NO WAY I would spend that much. But it was perfect, it was just like my wedding dress, but I quickly killed that idea. Late one night I did some searching trying to see if I could find it on any site for less, finally I searched ebay.

Lost of the dress came up, but it wasn't until I search for it more specifically that I found it!! It was brand new and marked down to $60.00. I bought it! I was so happy with my purchase I called my mom and sent pictures to all my sisters. No one could believe the deal I got! My hopes were crushed when I looked on my paypal and it said I was receiving a refund. I opened the message and was about to start my search again when I read the words, "you probably didn't notice that it was a buy now or best offer sale, I would have accepted $20.00 less. So I am refunding $20.00 to you".

$40.00 for a dress costing over $400?!? I'm so happy! I have had the dress home with me for a few weeks now and it is perfect. I hope this baby is a girl because I can't wait see my gorgeous daughter dressed in this beautiful gown!

Potty Training!

2011-01-11T10:09:00.000-08:00

This is an OLD photo, that Binky was taken away MONTHS ago. But we bribe him with the Ipod so he will sit there :)

I have been so excited to start potty training Ruark! We started back when he was 14 months and he did really well. He went 3 days without any accidents and then I realized that he was still too young to really understand the concept. So the diapers went back on. I told myself as soon as he turned two we were going to start again.

Last week he got his MMR shot and was feeling really yucky. There was no fever but he just whined and cried and wanted his diaper on. So we postponed for a week. Yesterday went AMAZING! He even went all by himself when I was doing laundry! Everything was going great until this morning, which I think was mainly my fault. The nausea settled back in and I asked him if he needed to pee and he said yes. So I took him in and gave him about a minute and took him off so I could run go get some yogurt. I set him on my bed and when I came back about 30 seconds later he had peeed everywhere. He kept saying "uh-oh" and when I pulled him off the bed he ran and sat down on his potty. I'm hoping day two picks up and does better! I am already ready for this part to be over, and I kinda wish I could postpone it again until the first trimester is done. One thing is for sure, he MUST be potty trained before I have out second baby. I don't want two in diapers!

So wish me luck, because I sure could use it!

Christmas 2010

2011-01-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

Our own little Rudolph :)

He LOVED his tent and kept hoarding all of his presents in there.

I woke him up a little too early, I was excited to see him open his presents.

I put on a happy face when Christmas came. I did as much as I could, which I still feel like was not enough. I didn't make Christmas cookies, but luckily my sweet neighbor delivered us some as well as our other neighbors so we ended up with quite a stash of Christmas goodies.

Christmas Eve was stayed home, I was exhausted from the past few days of Christmas preparations and parties. I hadn't even wrapped ANY presents yet. Then an angel, my mom, flew in to save the day. Within an hour everything was wrapped beautifully with gorgeous bows and name tags and placed lovingly under the tree. I was emotional, it was such a relief.

Our usually traditional Christmas Eve dinner is homemade clam chowder...but seeing as how I'm allergic to seafood this pregnancy Chase made lasagna instead. It was delicious and we all retired to bed early. At 7 the next morning I couldn't sleep, I was so excited.

I woke Ruark up early and he was not happy about it, but he was so excited when he saw all his presents. We had a great day, it was so nice to have our sweet family all there with us. That night Sadie & Devin and William, Mom, Mark & the boys, Chase, Ruark and I all settled in for a delicious ham dinner will all the fixings and splurged. It was the most I'd eaten in a month! We finished the night with the Iona light show. A family puts on a HUGE light show every year, with their own radio station that synchronizes all of the lights. It was a perfect ending to our Christmas this year.

I am so glad Christmas is over and two days later my decorations were all down. Christmas was hard this year, especially feeling so sick. So many traditions and plans were put aside, craft projects are still in bags waiting to be finished. I guess it's a great way for me to get a jump start on Christmas 2011!

Mexico

2011-01-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

I took absolutely NO photos on our trip, and part of me is really glad that I didn't. I remember crying and crying when I looked at myself in the mirror. I kept thinking about the movie Hitch and wished I only looked that good.

So at 5 weeks pregnant and 2 days after I had the stomach flu, Chase, Mom, Ruark, Joyce and I all climbed aboard the plane to sunny Mexico. The plane went great, I was really nauseous and the only thing I had been able to keep down for 3 days was Sprite. So by the time we got to Phoenix, picked up our bags, took the shuttle and got our rental car. I WAS STARVING. My mom has a favorite seafood restaurant named Paupadoux's. We got there and I was eating all the complimentary bread I could grab as well as all of the club crackers and saltines that were on the table. By the time the food finally came, I was pretty comfortable. You can imagine how little I had to eat with my stomach shrinking from no food. Thankfully that's probably the thing that saved me. "Thank you Heavenly Father for the stomach flu!"

Within minutes after the seafood platter was sat down in front of Chase and I, my throat started itching. My mom noticed something was wrong right away, whereas I complained that it was just because of my dry skin. Immediately my appetite was gone, and I started feeling really woozy and felt like I was going to pass out. So we paid the check and got in the car...I was itching and scratching for two hours when we finally stopped at a gas station and I was able to look in the mirror and everyone got a good look at me. I was covered in welts, my face, neck, throat, ears, arms and torso were all inflamed and swelling. By the time we got to Yuma I was sure it would be out of my system. Morning came and it was so much worse, my tongue was swollen. So I called my brother, the doctor. That's when I started telling everyone in my family that didn't know I am pregnant. He told me what to take and when I asked about just going and getting a shot at the hospital I found out, it could kill the baby. But if your throat closes off I guess the same thing happens, only we would both die.

So I covered myself in Benedryl cream and downed pill after pill of Benedryl and Claritin...For three days in Mexico it continually got worse. My eyes were swelling and to be honest everything was in a daze. I remember how warm it was down there but thank goodness everyone took care of Ruark so that I could sleep. At one point I remember my stomach swelling so much I looked like I was 7 months pregnant. I felt awful.

It wasn't until 5 days later that everything was out of my system and it started to die down. This was the day we got home. The next day when we had a family dinner it flared up and got even worse, apparently now I'm allergic to a certain protein which causes it to flare up. So I was sick (food poisoning sick) for the next 2 days. I lost 7 pounds and I spent the next 2 weeks on the couch, which really cut in to all of my Christmas plans.

I am so lucky I didn't have to get a shot, and I truly believe it's because my husband is a righteous Priesthood holder who was able to protect our little baby through all of his blessings he gave us along the way. I can't wait to be a mom to this little baby, I just feel so bad, he/she has already been through SO much in there and we've only just begun.

Baby #2

2011-01-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

Chase and I are so happy to finally be able to announce to all of our friends that we are expecting our second bundle of joy around August 7th! We couldn't be happier to be parents again and to give Ruark a sibling. I'm dreaming of pink, ribbons and bows this time around. Although having another little boy would be GREAT!

This pregnancy has been SO different.

@4 weeks I was nauseous

@5 weeks I got the stomach flu

@5 weeks 2 days I had a major allergic reaction and nearly went into anaphylactic shock. I still have hives on my stomach.

With Ruark 3 days before I took a pregnancy test, my ribcage moved about three inches. It did the same thing when I was pregnant early of 2010 and miscarried. My ribcage hasn't moved AT ALL. I am nauseous the ENTIRE day, I wasn't with Ruark. I was starving with Ruark, now the only reason I even eat with this baby is because I get sick if I don't. With Ruark I had TERRIBLE migraines that would leave my left side numb and force me into a dark room for a few hours, I've hardly had a headache with this baby. I was EXHAUSTED with Ruark, and I'm WIRED with this baby. It's so different, which is why I'm so desperately hoping it's a girl. I guess we'll know in about 8 weeks!

Fall Photos

2010-11-17T11:26:00.001-08:00

We took our family photos a little earlier this year so that we could have the beautiful color of the fall leaves. Here are some of the ones I haven't posted yet.

Now I just need to get them printed and framed for my walls! My sister did an AMAZING job, as usual, I'm so grateful for her talents!

Halloween

2010-11-17T09:45:00.000-08:00

He was not interested in taking the professional photos in his Halloween outfit, which is OK he adorable crying :) Ruark and Grandma Michelle (not sure what her new last name will be!)

Ruark and Grandpa Gary and Grandma Lennia

Grandma & Grandpa Machen and Ruark

Grandma & Grandpa Andrews& Ruarksw

The year has flew by, Halloween has come and gone . Thank goodness I took lots of photos in the meantime so that I can remember what has been happening!

Halloween was great, Ruark was a cowboy, we were all cowboys. He LOVED running from house to house trick-or-treating, we had such a great time. Every day I realize how much of a little boy he is and just how fast he is growing up. We love our little cowboy and are so glad for his sweet spirit.

We were lucky enough to visit some of his Grandma's and Grandpa's on Halloween. What a wonderful treat to listen to their stories and enjoy their company.

School time already?

2010-10-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

This last week we found out a school we really want Ruark to go to started taking applications, so we signed him up for 2014. It made me sad even filling out the paperwork, I can't imagine that day will ever come but I know how fast the past 5 years have flown by and I'm sure life's only going to become more hectic from here on out.

Nursery is going great on Sundays. Ruark loves all his friends at church. He runs as fast as he can to his nursery class and patiently waits at the table with his hands folded anxious for everyone else to arrive (kind of like this picture). I can only imagine how much he will love school. I'm going to be a big boob about him leaving, I already am, but I am so excited to see where this boy will go in his life! In his baby blessing he was told the name he was given will be known throughout the world, I always wonder what this means, but the older he gets the more I understand. I feel so lucky everyday to be his mom!

Buddies

2010-10-06T19:41:00.001-07:00

The other night our friends came over and Ruark and his little buddy Memphis serenaded us with a few songs on our piano, they had so much fun! They had a great time wearing themselves out. I can't believe how much Ruark is looking like a little boy, I still can't get over this thought in my head "where did my baby go?".

Chase

2010-10-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

So I posted the night Chase got into the motorcycle accident, I haven't said much since then. Well he's doing great, healing very quickly and things couldn't be going better. Luckily for us he wasn't out of work for too long, but I thought you might like to see the damage! It could have been so much worse. This picture was taken a few days after the accident between bandages.

Crafts

2010-10-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, we all knew I was dying for a girl when I got pregnant with Ruark. Don't get me wrong I LOVE Ruark, but I was not in love with the idea of having a boy and giving up all those beautiful ruffles and bows. I took a girls outfit to the hospital just in case and kept receipts for boy items so it would make returns easy. Then I had Ruark and fell in love, and I have loved every moment...

However I am still holding out hope the next baby will be a girl. I have bought lots of girls outfits and have planned out most of the nursery and home changes when the time comes. I am praying that we are able to get pregnant with a healthy beautiful baby the next few months and I always add a little "if it can be a girl too, that would be great" in my nightly prayers...I don't care if it's right that I ask, I just do.

I am starting to prepare myself that I very well may have a boy next which would mean it will be at least another 3 years before we get another chance to try again. So I have decided to put away all the little girl crafts and focus on all the boy stuff I have lying around, for now. This is a very new decision so we will see if it lasts.

Last year for Ruark's birthday I bought fabric for blankets, I make blankets every winter. Last year I bought enough fabric for 3 baby blankets, I finished one but the other two were stuffed in the closet to await when I had more free time...

Last week at conference I finally had a chance to pull out the blankets and get to work. I finished one of them, and plan to finish the next one (It's a big project) by this weekend. I am so excited to finally have things being accomplished. Ruark LOVES his new blanket, I kept finding him carrying it around with him while it was still stuck with pins. He cuddled with it on my lap while I did the binding, and tonight he's happy as can be that it's finally done.

Horseback Ride

2010-10-05T07:00:00.001-07:00

So most of you know, I'm dying to get pregnant! So I am in a mode where I am trying to do all the things I can't do once a baby is on it's way. This includes riding roller coaster, working ridiculously long hours, horseback riding, and eating ice cream for dinner.

It has been over 6 YEARS since I took a horse ride with my family. Mainly because Chase is usually gone, and I'm so busy we haven't had a chance to go. So Chase and I sent Ruark over to my mom's house for the day and took a trip with my dad and step mom up into Harriman Park. The leaves were just turning and luckily for us the elk were bugleing. Chase had too much fun bugleing back and forth.

Me and my daddy

We found a beautiful spring to rest at on our way

Luckily for us we were able to sneak right up on them and watch a whole heard from just a few feet away. In all my years of riding into Harriman Park I don't think I've ever been so close. This however has woken a sleeping giant in my husband. He now LOVES his cowboy hat, and is dying to get into hunter's safety so he can go hunting with my family next year. I love his enthusiasm. I'll admit I was a little nervous for him, he hadn't had a lot of experience riding and I really didn't want him to be made fun of for the next few years as my family tends to do. However, he suprised us all when he looked like a regular cowboy running up and down the valley and was as comfortable as I was in a saddle.

After 6 years I still find myself amazed by his enthusiasm for life and find myself falling even more in love with him. I am so thankful for this beautiful world we live in and I am so thankful for my wonderful family and frieds for all the blessing they bring into our lives.

As for Ruark he of course had a wonderful time with his "andma" and spent the day playing with his cousins playing games and ended the night watching movies and eating root bear floats. He was not ready to come home but after a whole day away from him I couldn't hold and kiss him enough when I got him back in my arms.

Conference Weekend

2010-09-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend is General Conference! Is there anything better than church coming to you twice a year?! I love staying in my pajamas and listening to the uplifting words of the Apostles! Not to mention all the projects I plan to work on this weekend. With all the projects coming up I am really glad to have found these sites to be able to print out "Conference Packets" for Ruark to hopefully keep him busy during the sessions! I thought I'd share these with you in hopes that it will keep your children busy too!

Nursery Packet

Junior Primary Packet

Senior Primary Packet

Youth Packet

I hate motorcycles...

2010-09-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

Did I ever tell you I hate motorcycles? I think they're dangerous, dumb and frankly 90% of my clients own one...Chase got a motorcycle from his dad a few months ago. He's been so excited but I've been a little apprehensive. We kept meaning to buy his a helmet, but he hardly ever rides it because we've had such bad weather so I didn't think too much of it when he went to leave tonight...the still small voice told me to remind him to wear a jacket and that he really shouldn't be driving it without a helmet for the umpteenth time. I however wanted to be the sweet cool wife and sent him on his way with nothing more than a kiss.

Half an hour later I received a call from Chase saying he'd been in an accident. His front tire blew out on a side street from 17th he lost control when he let off the gas and before he knew what was happening he was on his side sliding on the asphalt at 25mph. It happened right in front of a guy's house who was just pulling in he ran out and bandaged Chase up.

We took him to the Community Care. Luckily he doesn't have a concussion but he's pretty banged up and walked out with 9 stitches and a lot of road rash. Poor guy not only had to hear the lecture about wearing a helmet who knows how many times but I think just to make it sink in they bandaged him up with pink and purple, just to bruise his ego a little more...I think he looks a little like a roller derby girl :) We feel so blessed tonight, and we are so thankful for our guardian angels who watched over him. I sure don't know what I'd do without this man of mine!

Craft Time!

2010-09-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

A friend of ours was flying all the way to England to visit her parents, 7 months pregnant with an 19 month old and all alone!! So I send her something to help keep her daughter busy, a preview of the Christmas gift going out to my nieces this year :) This was a quick version because I only had about a day to work on it.

I made this clutch out of a Huggies diaper wipe case and a little batting .

The dolls are removable, and are all fabric. The doll clothes have a fleece backing so they stick to the dolls. I'm really excited how it turned out. One thing I remembered while working on this project, hot glue and I don't mix! I had burns all over my hands, so I think I'll try a few alterations to see if I can make it a little easier on myself!

Time Out

2010-09-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

We have started a new thing in our house, TIME OUT!! We used to send Ruark to his room but felt that was a bad direction to go because whenever he went in there he felt he was being punished. We think it's the cutest thing in the world when Ruark stands with his nose against the wall, pouting.

No baby was punished for the sole purpose of taking this picture...this is just a reenactment. On a side note, he does not enjoy time out this much, he just loves taking pictures!

Our Next Adventure...

2010-09-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

For the past few months Chase and I have felt lost. Construction is bad. There's no work and any work that's out there you can hardly make a profit because everyone is undercutting each other.

Bonds are our main source of income. I am so thankful for the opportunity I've had to work from home and be able to support our family. But the time has come for our next adventure. I'm sick of bonds, I sick of the dirty jails and the wife beaters and the drug addicts who think I'm their friend. I'm sick of the knowledge I have of the justice system and how corrupt everyone is. I've planned on taking over this business for the past 4 years, and now I am running away from it.

So now what? We have so many opportunities that are coming our way. We have quite a few businesses that we are deciding between, right now we are praying about the best direction. A few months ago I called my mom and said I don't think we're going to be doing bonds much longer, she said she has been having the same feeling. She wants out too, no one wants to stay in the business. We are all feeling a pull in an another direction, and I CANNOT WAIT to see where this leads!!! So for now, I'm still doing bonds and Chase is still doing construction but hopefully by next week we'll have the answer we are looking for.

I'm just a baby!

2010-08-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

Ruark will not just go in his room to sleep, it's been that way as long as I can remember. We always hold him and either sing or read or watch a movie until he goes to sleep. So the other night, it was LATE we're talking 11:30 late! He was running around like a "wild bill barnio" as Grandma would say. So finally we decide we're going to put him in his room, close the door and let him cry until he's tired enough he'll go to sleep. So we put him in his room say good night and close the door.

The wailing and screaming and door pounding starts. Then from the other side of the door in a very angry clear voice we hear "it's not fair, I'm just a baby"! Chase and I started laughing and before you know it we brought Ruark out and put him back in bed with us. We sure love our Ruark, and we are so happy he's growing into such a wonderful little boy!

Summertime!

2010-08-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

Summertime...and the livin' is...easy?

Easy is not the way I would describe life right now. Life with a 19 month toddler boy sure brings challenges. I spend most days watching him play on the jungle gym, or jumping on the trampoline. We bought him an electric police car that he finally figured out how to drive, and thinks it's pretty cool taking off around the neighborhood.We try to make sure to schedule play dates with his friends...he's still learning how to share :)

Summer has been VERY different around this house! For starters, CHASE IS HOME! In our 6 years, this is our FIRST summer together! It has been such a great experience having our family together! I don't know how we ever spent so much time apart!! It has been a big adjustment not having our summertime income, but we have been blessed to have work in our other companies and we are doing just fine.

We had a surprise birthday party for Chase last month! We all came down with the stomach flu just days before his birthday, so it was a great cover to act like I didn't have time to plan anything for his birthday. I asked Chase to run meet my mom to give her some paperwork, meanwhile all of our great friends showed up to help me transform our house into a birthday extravaganza. After the party we all headed over to play laser tag at Leo's place, which was a fantastic ending to the day. When we were heading home, Chase told me that it was the best birthday he'd ever had. My sweet husband never asks for anything, I'm so glad that I did a little more for him this year because he deserves it! I am so in love with this man of mine!

My birthday was just a few days ago, most of you know Chase and I are exactly one month apart. Usually I love having carrot cake so close together, but this year the idea made me sick! So I asked for a birthday trifle!! Oh it was TO DIE FOR!!! I think that will be my permanent wish! Chase kept saying he was sorry he didn't go all out for my birthday, but it was wonderful! Chase cleaned the house and took care of Ruark, meanwhile I was able to read my book, take a long bath and just enjoy our little family. I can't believe we're already 24! Time is going by so fast, I feel like I can hardly catch my breath!

Our Best Friends

2010-08-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, our best friends moved to NY. We sure do miss them like crazy! Our lives have been so intertwined for the past 4 years, home doesn't quite feel like home without them. So here's some of my favorite moments caught on camera.

We found an old wig under the seat of the van :)This is my husband's SEXY face :) No wonder we only have one baby ;)

This is from Ruark's blessing, Dixie was only a few months along in this picture.

Ruark used to climb on Dixie's lap and touch her belly when she was pregnant, and Alex would kick Ruark, they were friends from the start. Halloween last year, Ruark would hang out around the crib and reach in to touch Alex :) it was so cute.

Thanksgiving at our house

Finally Alex got big enough, so we gave Ruark more of a chance to play with him. Ruark climbed in bed with Alex and they snuggled up for a few hours.

Halloween the year before Alex, I however am not dressed up because I was sooo pregnant and we spent all day moving into our new house.

Dixie: I'm sure you're going to kill me for putting this one up :)

Our little buddies, they sure are going to miss seeing each other all the time!

My Bestie :)

I just realized Alex isn't looking at the camera, oh well at least you and I look good Dixie! This was about 5 minutes before my tears started flowing and I had to say goodbye.

Ben & Chase the night before Ben headed out

We are so thankful we have such great friends! I know our friendship doesn't end here, we'll be friends forever! Love you guys, good luck in NY!

4:30

2010-07-13T04:36:00.000-07:00

I'm 16 again. It's a beautiful summer night, my mom always has the heat on, she's always cold. I open my window like any other night thankful for the sweet relief the cool summer wind brings and climb in bed. I say my prayers and turn out the light...something doesn't feel right. The spirit tells me to get up and close the window, I try to ignore it, I'm hot and uncomfortable. The spirit tells me more urgently, get up close the window and lock it. Images of Elizabeth Smart flash before me eyes, and I get up and close my bedroom window and lock it. "Now lock your bedroom door", I listen and walk over and lock my door. Immediately I feel peace and collapse into bed, asleep within seconds.

Out of a dead sleep I awake panicked. My heart is racing, I feel the breath being squeezed out of my chest...I look at the time 4:30 am. "Go back to sleep!" I tell myself. But something is wrong and with every fiber of my being I feel it. "Listen," The spirit is almost shouting in my ear, "sit up and listen." My stomach is rolling at this point and I sit up to listen to the silence. 30 seconds pass when I hear it, the steps of a thief padding down the hallway.

My hallway. My breath catches, I know something is wrong. It's not my mom or anyone else I know, I can tell by the way they are carefully stepping. I can't breath. I feel sick. I listen as the steps come closer and closer to my door and hear the familiar *creak* just on the other side of the door. My door. I know they are there just on the other side of my door, my locked door. I start praying fervently, what do I do. Do I scream and wake everyone up? I know I should, but I feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm paralyzed with fear.

My door knob moves, I'm sick. "Please Heavenly Father, help me!" I scream inside, I feel so defenseless. No sound escapes my lips, I will myself to scream out. They try to move the door knob again more insistent this time, pushing on my door trying to force themselves in. Gripping my covers, holding on for dear life I start crying...begging for Heavenly Father's protection when I hear the voice of an angel.

My mother yells out "WHO'S THERE!" Feet pound down my hallway and the thief is running out the door. My mother's familiar steps are in close pursuit and I hear them both run out of the house and two cars pull from my driveway racing. The second car only moments after the first.

It is dawn before my mom is home again. She followed them with the lights off to her car but she didn't catch them. Like a snake they slinked into the darkness, eluding any chance for justice.

When my mom got home, I heard Chuck say from their room, "Is Nicole okay?" My mom pops the lock to the door, and as it flies open I know everything is okay. I crumble and I know my mom was watching over me, she was the angel I prayed for Heavenly Father to send. She tells me everything is fine, cradles me and tucks me in. It will be hours before any of us rest, years for me.

8 years. 8 years have passed, and I still find myself waking up at 4:30 am. Heart racing, listening for any sound that they are back. Even with Chase by my side, I shake in the dark. Many nights, I take Ruark from his bed and lock him in the room with Chase and I because sleep with come no other way. Other times, I know morning will start for me at 4:30 because somewhere out in the darkness I know that there is a thief who broke into my home and came looking for me. Someone tried to take me from my warm bed and my family. I know who that someone is...but it's not enough to know who he is. It's not enough to know where he is, locked in prison for so many heinous crimes I can't count.

I'm 16 again praying for strength and relief for hours of the night. I lay awake keeping watch over my most precious jewel Ruark. I am no longer scared for myself, that feeling was gone the moment I held him in my arms. When the sun dawns, I once again feel safe and give in to rest that has escaped me for so long. Hours go by like days when you feel the way I do at 4:30. My angel mother heard the shouting of the spirit, she was on the Lord's errand that night as in so many days and nights that followed. I am so thankful for my mother because I truly can say I don't know where I would be right now, without her.

Our House!

2010-07-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

Two years ago I was halfway through my pregnancy with Ruark when I received a call from my sister. Her friend from work was selling his house and she told me I HAVE to see it. It was appraised for 260,000 and they were selling it for 200,000. I had no desire to leave our house on 11th street, we were just getting ready to paint the nursery, but my sister was insistent.

I followed my sister to what is now our home...Chase and I had driven down this same street and stopped at this very house and said how much we'd love to live here. They were just building it at the time and we were so disappointed. It was located in the area we wanted at the end of a cul de sac. We imagined how nice it would be to have our kids run and play here, but after a few minutes in front of the home we drove on and eventually bought our home on 11th street.

I pulled up to the house and I couldn't believe it was the same home. I walked in and it immediately felt familiar. It was so beautiful and we were in love. We went to the banks the next morning and we were immediately approved, unfortunately the market was slow and it took us nearly a year to sell our home, and it's been a year since that time waiting for the self-employment requirements to be fulfilled. We've been here for almost a year and a half before our loan finally went through. On June 31st, 2010 we bought our home one day shy of our 5 year wedding anniversary. We couldn't be happier!

Instrument in the Lord's Hands

2010-07-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have a good friend and neighbor who offered to give me piano lessons for free!! She is an AMAZING teacher and I am learning so quickly! It has always been a dream of mine to play the piano. This picture is acutally a piano I bought when I first started playing, but it was never sent so Ebay refunded my money, so for now I'm playing on a keyboard.

When Chase and I were first married I got a phone call from the Primary Presidency, they said they had really been praying about who should fulfill this calling and they told me they felt very strongly that I should be piano player for the Primary, they asked if I would except this calling....

....

SILENCE

...

"I would never turn down a calling, but I don't know how to play the piano," was the only thing I could reply. They couldn't believe it because they had felt so strongly that this was to be my calling. They told me they must have been mistaken.

FAST FORWARD

1 month ago I was sitting in the Bishop's office getting a team teaching calling in the Primary, teaching CTR 5. When they asked if I could play the piano, I laughed and told them the story of what happened nearly 5 years before. The 1st counselor of my Bishopric relayed a very interesting story that happened years ago when he was in the Bishopric back East.

This particular ward needed a new piano player for the congregation, every Sunday. The Bishopric prayed and felt very strongly about a young man. They called him in and asked if he would accept this calling...he sat there in shock and said yes.

What the Bishopric did not know was this young man had never played the piano before. Monday morning he set up piano lessons and picked up beginning books. Each week he learned a new song to play and would play for the congregation, but eventually he was able to play a list of songs. They offered to release him because there were many piano players in the ward, he declined feeling that he was needed to fulfill this calling.

He challenged me to start learning to play. That was all it took, I started that week. Janina and I start out every lesson with a prayer and I truly believe the spirit is helping me understand and progress far more quickly than I could have ever hoped on my own. I am so thankful for this opportunity to develop new talents. Now I'm just hoping to be an instrument in the Lord's hands.

He's a big boy now...

2010-05-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

After 16 months Ruark finally decided he was done nursing. I love nursing, he loved nursing, it was such a bonding experience. I decided he would have to be the one to stop because I couldn't bring myself to be the one to say no. Chase would joke I would have to go to kindergarten with him. Finally the night of May 1st came and Ruark didn't ask to nurse, days went by and he never asked so he's done.

I'm feeling more like myself! I have more energy, I'm not hungry anymore, and I love not having huge boobs!!! I am dying to ride a roller coaster. Now of course you can ride one while you are nursing, but my hormones made my heart race even thinking about stepping foot into Lagoon. Now my hormones are back where they haven't been in over 2 years. I thought when I stopped nursing I would be ready for another baby because mine would be all grown up.

So not true, the only thing I can think right now is "am I ready to start all over again?" For the time being, no. Chase is excited to have me back enjoying the same things I used to and for now I'm going to take the summer and enjoy every minute!

I'm getting the hint...

2010-05-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

For the past few weeks Ruark does the funniest thing. I tend to leave my bras around my bedroom, I take it off right before bed and throw it on the dresser or night stand. I'll admit I hardly ever make it to the drawer, this has never been a problem before now.

If Ruark finds my bras anywhere, even the laundry he drops everything and comes running as fast as he can with my bra and wants me to put it on. I tell him what a good boy he is and thank him. He runs away happy as a clam. I will admit I've walked around my house with two or three bras on at a time just to make him happy.

The other night Chase was trying to put Ruark to sleep. I was catching up on some much needed mommy time, relaxing in the bathtub. Ruark could see me from the bedroom and was screaming and screaming for probably 10 minutes. Finally Chase put him down to see what he wanted, because he never acts like that. Tears streaming down his face, and trembling he toddles around my bedroom picks my bra off of the floor and brings it to me in the bath. I took it from him and told him thank you and what a good boy he is. He nodded his head like he knew he'd done a good job walked back to Chase climbed into his arms and went to sleep immediately.

We laughed, but it made me sad. Maybe he thinks I'm not taking good enough care of myself so he feels he needs to do, maybe he's just trying to tell me to pick up my clothes. Either way I'm so thankful he's my son and he loves me so much. Whoever marries my son is one lucky girl.

Potty Training

2010-05-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

So the other day I put Ruark on his potty. I was running around collecting laundry when I walked by the bathroom, Ruark was looking down so I knew he was peeing. I thought I would put the clothes in the wash and run back to give him his reward. While I was starting the washer I heard the toilet flush. "Oh great", last time he threw my IPod in the toilet (which is ruined), I tore through my front room afraid what I would find.

Ruark had peed, gotten off of his potty, opened the big toilet, disassembled his toilet, poured the contents in the toilet and flushed it without spilling a drop! I was amazed! Surely my son must be brilliant, I am still convinced that he is. He's only 16 months old, potty training is going great, hopefully by 18 months he'll be done!

Baby Shower

2010-05-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the baby shower!!! I'm so glad to have it over with and be able to move on to more projects!! These are the winning prizes from the games we played. I gave everyone magazines and about 10 minutes to go through and pick out eyes, ears, hair, nose, all the facial features they think the baby will look like, the mother-to-be picked the winner!

The second game we played I had everyone guess how big they thought Sadie's belly is. I gave them ribbon and they had to guess, her sister was EXACTLY right! Good guessing!

These were the party favors, everyone took these home. They are cleaned out baby food jars that I filled with dirt and flower seeds. The seeds attract butterflies and hummingbirds. I wrapped them with ribbon, attached these cute bees I cut out at the craft store and covered the baby jar lids with scrap booking paper and mod podge :) A lot of work, but everyone seemed to love them.

Tissue paper, if I never work with tissue paper again it will be too soon!!! No it wasn't that bad, I just need a break from all the tissue paper pom-pom's we made. We strung them from our fan to make a chandelier. I LOVED it, I never wanted to take it down!

My beloved diaper cake! I loved making this cake!!

We had yummy food, this fruit salad looked SOOO good, unfortunately I am DEATHLY allergic to Kiwi fruit, so I was unable to eat it, but everyone else raved about how good it was. We also had yummy chicken salad sandwiches, green salad, chocolate cake with marshmallow frosting and lemon bars for dessert.

I bought these beautiful goblets and serving dishes from Wal-Mart. I love them, they are so pretty and went perfectly with the theme!

The pretty plates!

These are the silverware. We wrapped each silverware set with the buttons and ribbon we made, it looked so pretty. Some people took them home because they loved them so much :)

Our beautiful Sadie, so close to delivery!

She received so many wonderful gifts, the diaper raffle was a hit! Unfortunately I didn't snag any pictures of the prize. It included the "bee movie", treats and all kinds of goodies. In return, Sadie took home 13 packs of diapers!!! Wow what a great start!

I had many people ask if I was a professional party planner, which was a great compliment. I do love throwing parties and how I would LOVE to do it for a living!!! for now I am thankful to have had the opportunity to throw this shower for my sweet sister.

I feel so lucky she's even asked me to be in the room when she gives birth, and throughout her labor!! I am so excited, this will be the 3rd labor I've attended, not counting my own of course. I can't wait to throw another party and am looking for any kind of excuse for the next one!

Potty Training

2010-04-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

We bought Ruark a little kid potty a month or two ago and we have randomly just been pulling it out, until last week. I finally decided to really make a go at potty training him, so I started by putting him on the potty after he woke up and naps. He goes on the potty as soon as I put him after he wakes up, he's gone 24 hours at a time without an accident. YAY!

Unfortunately I decided to let him watch his favorite show, Meet the Robisons, while he sits on the potty. I was running in the other room to get ready, and I had a thought that he might throw it in the toilet. I told myself no way, he watches it all the time in there by himself without doing that. I no sooner finished arguing with myself when I hear the toilet being lifted and a *plop*.

Ugh, running back I found it at the bottom of the toilet bowl. I LOVE my ipod touch, I take it everywhere with me, now the screen is black and it's unresponsive. The warranty we bought now says it doesn't cover water damage but when we bought it they told us they would cover it. Sooo, hopefully that will be my mother's day present. Ruark carries it around crying begging me to turn it on so he can watch his movie. I want to cry too, but maybe I'll take a look at the Ipad's instead.

6 Years

2010-04-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

6 Years have gone by and we're even more in love than the day we met.

Our Wedding Day July 1, 2005Our honeymoon in Cabo San Lucas Our Sealing day in the SLC Temple July 1, 2006Our trip to Virginia 2007Our trip to Las Vegas Valentine's 2008Ruark's brithday December 31, 2008, 20 minutes before he was born...

Winter 2009, parents to a 1 year old..

Today is Chase & my 6 year anniversary of the day we met!! Life has flown by so quickly!

We met April 23rd, 2004. It was a Friday night and we were cruising 17th street. The night we met, I told my friend Heather there was something different about him, I didn't know what it was but there was something different. Chase told his mother the same thing the next morning.

We were both dating two people at the time we met, I told him I didn't want a third boyfriend to deal with because I was fed up with the two that I had, and he told me he felt the same way...so we decided to just be friends. Because we were "just friends" we spent all of our extra time together and within 2 weeks we only had eyes for eachother.

We were only 17 when we met, married at 18, had our first baby at 22 and this year we turn 24!!! I am so lucky to have found the love of my life at 17, I feel so blessed everyday. Many of my friends are already divorced once and some even twice, our marriage is one in a million and I am so thankful for my sweet Chase. I don't know what I would do without the man of my dreams.

Meet me at the Rodeo

2010-04-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

Our Buckaroo is Turning Two!!!

Not yet, I loved Ruark's first birthday party so much I am getting ideas for his second birthday. I am thinking of doing a cowboy theme, "our Buckaroo is turning Two" it was all inspired while I was searching for baby shower ideas and a friend emailed me this darling idea at Hostess with the Mostess. I found this idea for invitations at Porters!

Not sure how we are going to have hay bales for seating in our house because it will be the middle of the winter, but I love this idea and would love to use it for our party.

Aren't these such a darling place settings? I just love it!!

Goodness knows I have plenty of Mason Jars I could use for glasses for the beverage. Just stick in a straw and bam! They even added a little "howdy" sign on them.

They made individual fruit pies for everyone, and for dinner serve an Idaho Cowboy dinner. Chili, biscuits, baked potatoes and all the fixings. I would love if we could do horse rides too seeing as how my dad has horses. I think this would be a great idea to do in a barn, which my dad also happens to have a beautiful red barn....maybe that something to think about.

In the meantime I am gathering together ideas to go with a cowboy theme, lucky for me Oriental Trading just sent me a magazine this week with cowboy theme birthday parties...how lucky for me!!! They have really cheap ideas for parties, to outfit Ruark's party last year all together it was around $75, you can find coupon codes for free shipping and % off to make it even more cost effective. For now, I'm still surfing the Internet to find more ideas, so if anyone has any more ideas let me know!

Baby Shower Time

2010-04-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

In a little less than two weeks I am throwing a baby shower for my little sister!! Ok technically, she's my sister-in-law, but she's the baby sister I've always wanted!! She is due May 25th and is going to have a boy, so for the past few months I have been preparing things to give her the baby shower she deserves.

Lucky for me I have a best friend who loves planning parties and crafts as much as I do! So we have been surfing blogs and craft sites for the past few months getting ideas. Here are some things we've worked on so far.

I wish you could see the invitation better because they are so pretty, I found the paper and envelopes at Artco, LOVE that store! For 50 invitations it was $5.30, amazing! I printed everything out here at home and I love the way they turned out, they are the prettiest baby shower invitations I've ever seen.

It says, "a little baby boy is on the way let's shower his mommy to "bee" before the big day"

There are two little bees at the bottom. There is an envelope at the bottom that hold the information for the diaper raffle. I had never heard of one until my little sister mentioned it to me. It's a great way to get a supply of diaper for new parents. I found a little poem that says, " to add a little extra glee and help the parents-to-"bee" please bring a little extra from the heart, an unwrapped pack of diapers to give them a good start" They can enter as many times as they like, each pack of diapers equals one name at the end, we put their names in a bowl and the winner gets a nice prize.

We tried our hand at a diaper cake, and I love how it turned out!! Have you ever seen a prettier diaper cake? It's up on my mantel being used as decoration until the shower.

These are a great idea, such a cheap way to get decorations. Tissue paper pom poms, they will hang from the trees to give some color. This is a picture courtesy of Designmom. I have even seen where they make small garlands out of the tissue paper pom-poms. For a how-to go to Martha Stewart

These will be the napkin rings, we used ribbon and buttons from the big bin at Porters to tie around the utensils for everyone's meal. Everything is yellow, orange and touch of black from the bumble bees that we're adding. Can't wait to have the shower. We're planning on having it outside I'm hoping the Idaho weather will cooperate! Those tissue pom pom's won't stand a chance against out Idaho wind!

Life with a boy

2010-04-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

When I first got pregnant I thought, "I am meant to be a mom to girls." I love everything that has to do with girls. The ruffles, the ribbons, bows and curls. I dreamed about kittens and butterflies, we would play dress-up and have tea parties. Chase would make this fabulous doll house I have already designed. I would make her all kinds of dolls and head bands. I had 3-4 blankets already started for her, I had her name picked out for years. Her clothes were hanging in the closet and I was ready for her...

Week 18 of my pregnancy came and in we went for our ultrasound. We were sure it would be a girl...99.9999% sure it's a boy. I wasn't convinced, I still held out hope for a girl.

The pregnancy came to a close, out he came and my doctor announced "it's a boy" my heart swelled with joy, I held him in my arms and I knew HE was just what I wanted. I didn't care about all those frivilous things anymore, I finally had my baby.

Wow do plans ever change with a boy! When I knew we were having a boy, I was scared! I don't know anything about boys! I don't do trucks, I don't like playing in the dirt. Boys love mud and bugs and getting dirty. I do not. How would I raise a boy to be a strong man? To be prepared to be a worthy priesthood holder and serve a mission for the church? Ruark was born and all my worries flew away.

Summer is here, and I love being a mom to a boy!! Yes, I am constantly pulling rocks out of his mouth because he is chewing on them. Yes, I change his outfit probably three times a day because he's constantly getting dirty. I love playing with trucks and listening to his little boy truck sounds. I adore watching him use his Hanny Manny tools to try to fix things, like building his bed. I love running outside with him all day, chasing after him, playing swords with him. I love watching Chase play with him, to see all of his dreams unfolding of having a son. I love life with MY BOYS!

The other day we were outside burning our weeds, Ruark really wanted to play in the fire and we were having a hard time keeping him out of it. So I gave him the water hose and let him play with it. He put it in the dirt and started making mud. Then he piled the mud on top of his slide, keeping one eye out I watched him make a little mud pie...I giggled...then he started licking the mud pie!!!! Oh my heck, I cringed, I laughed, I ran for my camera and just missed getting a picture. But here is the aftermath!

The water was cold...

Getting angry he's wet...
Soaking wet!! We ran him in for a warm bath and a long nap...

I wouldn't change one minute of my life with my son, although I still dream about ribbons, bows and ruffles, I am happy to trade them in for swords, dirt and little boy truck sounds.

My Garden

2010-04-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

I am so excited this year to plant my garden, I've woken up in the night for the past few months having an idea of what I want to grow. Last year was our first real garden and we made a lot of mistakes. Such as not planting things that we really eat, so a lot of vegetables went to waste. We didn't thin out the plants and we didn't use any plant markers, so we didn't know what a lot of things were. One of our biggest problems was the weeding, because we just started our garden in a new spot this year, the weeds were OUT OF CONTROL! I'd weed for hours and come out the next day and it would be just as bad, so this year we're getting fertilizer that kills weeds in your garden YAY!

This year my garden will include:

Tomatoes ( for canning)

Cucumbers ( so I can make my own pickles)

Zucchini ( for zucchini bread, and casseroles)

Onions

Pumpkins (for Halloween and hopefully so I can can some pumpkin pie filling)

Corn (freezes great)

Peas ( freezes great)

Beans ( excited to can these too)

I also bought 50 raspberry plants last year that should be coming up and plan to add in blueberries and even some blackberries this year.

For my garden stakes I found this darling idea from JoAnn's...love that store...it seems really fast and easy and I love pretty things! Won't this make my garden so pretty!!!

If anyone has ideas of what more I can grow ideas would be greatly appreciated I want a really good yield this year!

Cartoons

2010-04-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

The last little while Ruark has started LOVING cartoons, during the day when the TV is on it's usually tuned into the disney channel. But where are the classic cartoons that I love?!? There's a whole new lot of cartoons, that to me, seem to lack any storyline or excitement. So here is a look back at all the cartoons I'm looking to buy on DVD so I can have a library of great shows for Ruark and I to watch.

I didn't get to watch these ones very often because we didn't have the channel it came on, but man I loved these too!

I'm excited to find these shows, I know I loved them growing up and I can't imagine my kids not loving them. I cannot imagine watching Spongebob Square Pants for the next few year!

Craft Time

2010-04-07T08:08:00.001-07:00

I love crafts! I just started organizing my craft projects last week and realized how many I have bought, cut and prepared to finish. But these were put away because

A- I had ran out of time and I had company coming over, so I needed to clean up
B- I found out I was having a boy, not a girl like I had been preparing for and decided I should hold off on making all the little girls things
C-I'm going to have a girl at some point and so I should just buy and make them anyway so that I can have them ready when she finally arrives
D-Didn't realize how much work I was making for myself, and decided to go buy the finished project instead

So I called Dixie and told her we can't start any more crafts until I finish some of my old ones. She agreed because she is having the same problem. Later that day I decided to go to Porters to pick up some things for a baby shower I am throwing for my little sister next month. BAD IDEA!! I found an awesome fabric for making fabric paper dolls, which I think will be a great church activity for my girls, and while I was at it I decided to pick up extra to make a quilt. The quilt even has a little pocket on the back to put all the doll clothes in to go along with it! Then I bought even more fabric to make a few extra kits for Christmas gifts. Dang, now I'm in trouble!!

I LOVE FELT! Don't ask me why! I hated felt all my life and then when I made Ruark's Pinnochio outfit for Halloween I fell in love. Then I moved on to the felt food for Christmas, and now I have so much felt left over I need to start using it up! We got on the Internet and I found templates for quiet books, and a felt playhouse courtesy of Dixie. Now we have just as many pending craft projects as we have sitting in our closets!! I am really excited to start working on these projects, now that Ruark is playing by himself more and more I think I might finally have the time to start working on everything!

Here Comes Peter Cottontail...

2010-04-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

This is what Easter looks like in Idaho! We had such high hopes of running around on a warm day, but with all the snow and wind lately we had to bundle up for all our outside activities.

We had an amazing Easter weekend, it started off with "The Amazing Race", a huge treasure hunt all over Idaho Falls that my mom puts on for all of us. We had a great time figuring out clues and running around town with all of my siblings and their families competing for the trophy. Chase and I took 2nd place this year, which I find pretty amazing seeing as how one of us had to stay in the car at all times because of Ruark, my brothers and sisters all have 2-4 kids each to help them! We look forward to Easter all year, and this year did not disappoint!

We stayed up late Saturday after my family party and started hiding eggs and Ruark's Easter basket. My family has always hidden the Easter baskets, I have such great memories of running all over the house searching for my basket. It was the first time we've ever been able to do these things as parents.

His Easter Basket...

We woke up this morning and walked into the front room fully expecting to have to lead Ruark around to all the Easter eggs. Not our son!!! It's almost as though he could smell the sugar from the candy in the eggs, and he went running around picking up the eggs and pulling out their sweet contents, his overflowing basket of goodies couldn't compete with those pieces of candy. :)

He found a snickers bar, he was very excited

After he found the candy eggs, he pulled out all the extra eggs we had to see if they had any yummy treats too. Look at that smirk!

My cute boy all dressed to color eggs

Our finished project

We had a wonderful relaxed Sunday. We watched General Conference, dyed eggs, played with toys, flew Ruark's new kite, played with bubbles and chalk and read Ruark his books. Finished off with Chase making us dinner which was so yummy, I feel so lucky to have a husband that is a good cook!!

Flying his kite

Playing with chalk

We had such a wonderful day at home together. We are so thankful this Easter for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and for eternal families. We hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and that you were all able to take some time to think beyond the bunnies and the candy to the wonderful Ressurection of Jesus Christ. Happy Easter everyone!

My Future Dentist...

2010-03-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

Our Future Dentist...

Ruark is growing up SOO fast these days, I'm not sure when it happened but it seems like over night, he looks like a little boy instead of a baby :) Right now he is so funny, he LOVES brushing his teeth. He brushes twice a day, when he wakes up and when he goes to bed, and then every time he's done eating. I get him cleaned up and out of his highchair, he runs into the bathroom and wants to brush his teeth clean :) I brush them for about 15-20 seconds and then he brushes them for about 3 minutes afterward. When I take the toothbrush from him, he screams and cries. Heaven forbid when he learns about flossing!!! I'll spend all day cleaning his teeth! I'm hoping this trend will last with him, as for now we call him our future dentist! Who knows!

Keep Moving Forward... the theme of Ruark's FAVORITE movie, Meet the Robison's. So as we move forward and look toward the horizon we are finding so much joy. Spring is coming, we bought flowers and plants for our gardens. I can't wait for the blossoms and for my beautiful Roses. Chase bought we tons of rose bushes last year and all summer I had beautiful arrangements inside of my house! This year I'm planning on adding even more roses and lots more flowers I can add to my arrangements.

Our house will...soon be our house!! We're finally going to be able to finish up our loan. Last year when we went to close, the stupid government put up new regulations on self employed people. So we had to wait until we had our second year of self-employment taxes, which is this year. The people we are buying our house from have been AMAZING waiting so long!! They will be lasting friends. I can't wait to close!! We have such a beautiful home, and I feel so privileged to live here and to raise my children here.

We feel so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends to lift and support us when life gets hard. One thing I've realized through this process, no one has an easy life, and everyone at this time is experiencing their own trials. So as I have been lifted, I hope now to be strong enough to lift all of you and bear your burdens in return.

Calming the seas...

2010-03-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

My life has gotten more crazy since the last time I blogged. I feel continuously bombarded with problems. Not small problems. But scary, keep you up all night thinking about them problems. Handfuls and handfuls of them. This has been going on for over two months and at this point I felt dead inside. Numb to everything. My mind was exhausted, my body was exhausted and my spirit was weighed down. I prayed, I tried to feel the spirit, but I felt unable to really connect with anything. I laughed with my son and my friends, for a few moments but then felt pulled down into the despair.

Then I found out I'm pregnant, something neither Chase or I were planning on, but what a joy we felt. We started thinking about Ruark being a big brother and what a wonderful life we would have as a family of 4. Now when my hormones change, my body does not handle it well. Even with no stress with Ruark I was continually having problems with panic attacks. The calls did not stop, the stress continued to build. My hormones went out of control, I couldn't calm myself down. Panic attack after panic attack came and went. Until finally, I lost the baby at only 6.5 weeks.

I called my mom, I told her I was trying to be strong I was praying for strength to get through these trials. She told me to stop praying for strength and to pray for peace. Peace to calm the storm. I prayed with all I could muster, and yet the phone kept ringing with more problems.

Dragging myself to sacrament meeting last week I heard words I really needed to hear from the youth speaker. My ward has the most spiritual youth, we currently have out 17 missionaries and something like 36 priests getting ready to leave. We are so blessed to have Ruark grow up in this ward. The youth speaker said, "Sometimes the Lord calms the sea, and sometimes he calms the sailor in the storm."

I went home and prayed for my family to have peace in the midst of the storms around us. Alas that night the problems escalated into a very scary encounter. The storm beat against my home, and we were kept safe and peaceful inside. That disconnect I was feeling now only pertains to the storms around us. For the first time in months, I have even forgotten about the storms for a few hours. What a relief.

I am finding joy in the small and simple things. I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows my needs and has calmed by soul.

In need of a little brother...

2010-02-21T06:49:00.001-08:00

So yesterday we had a game night with friends. Well Battle of the Sexes and Mario on Wii started going late so we put the kids to bed. I was nursing Ruark in his nursery when he got down (almost asleep mind you) walked over to his toddler bed where Alex was sleeping, climbed in and cuddled next to him.

I think it might be time for us to think about giving him a little brother...

Making Messes

2010-02-20T14:06:00.000-08:00

So today I was running around the house all day cleaning up because we are having a bunch of friends over for games...when all of a sudden I can't find Ruark. I'm starting to panic a little...if you all remember Bronson's Miracle I posted about a few days ago, you'll be able to understand my paranoia is in a heightened state right about now.

Finally running around the island in my kitchen is where I find my little sweetheart...

As if he isn't sweet enough..

As if on a stelth mission he dumped out almost an entire bag of powdered sugar on the floor and was eating it and drawing things in the poweder.

Sigh...

I need to go clean the floors for the second time today.

Our life is changing...

2010-02-19T11:05:00.000-08:00

This blog is very hard for me to write, in the middle of writing it I had to leave the room. I cried for the first time over all of this. I had to cry as I realized how our lives have changed. Cry for how my children's lives have changed. Cry for so much hurt and pain this will cause.

I woke up one day to everything changed.

This is a picture from Ruark's 1st birthday December 31st, 2009.

The week of January 22nd was very eventful. On January 22nd, my 61 year old stepfather Chuck came home from Arizona with a 20 year old Hispanic stripper, who is his girlfriend. No explanation has been made to anyone from Chuck. Instead his mistress started texting my mother and my family, saying she knows how we must be feeling. What a coward. After 15 years of him in my life he's gone.

This was my wedding day. He walked me down the aisle along with my dad, and then danced with me at the reception.He drove us down for our sealing in the Salt Lake City Temple for our 1 year anniversary...This is from our Nauvoo/Missouri trip this year, we went to see my brother's family for a long weekend.

Without a look back at any of us who called him step dad, grandpa or husband he left. No one has heard anything. I spent most of the past 15 years hating this man, and just when I start to warm up to him as I have the past year...he's gone.

Mind you he's gone with a girl 3 years younger than me and the same age as his oldest grandson.

And life goes on...

You would think 1 divorce would be enough to deal with...not so for our family.

The same week of January 22nd Chase's parents filed for divorce and finalized divorce papers last week. The last picture I have of them together is from Ruark's blessing last year. Although we've had many family dinners and trips together since then, I never took my camera. We knew they were having problems, they have for quite a while. But after 25 years of marriage it's over.

So today I am sad, but the sun is shining down the road. I am thankful for Chase and my strong marriage, a marriage that is closing in on 5 years, and is happier with each passing day. I am hopeful and thankful my children will always have their parents together and will never taste from this bitter cup. Determined that I will live out my life and throughout eternity with our family intact and whole.

Date Night

2010-02-19T10:40:00.001-08:00

Our first date since having Ruark was Valentine's Day Eve. We were going to go out to dinner, but we had a late lunch and just weren't hungry. So we started out by going to the masquerade ball, and we had a blast dancing the night away with friends, and most importantly in each other's arms. We haven't been out alone since we had Ruark, who was 13.5 months. I never thought I would be the mom who wouldn't leave her kids, but yep that's me! I used to have an anxiety attack only thinking of leaving him, so back off I'm growing!!

After the masquerade ball we went out for ice cream all gussied up and then picked up our baby. Ruark stayed with Grandma for a few hours. He loves his Grandma and wasn't ready to go home when we got there, even though it was 10:30 he was running around after the puppies and was playing with all kinds of fun toys like the treadmill, printer and the wall heater. My son isn't a conventional child he LOVES electronics, if you give him a few minutes and he will have it figured out almost better than you do. Silly baby, slow down and stop growing up so fast.

We tucked this little boy in bed and finished off the night with sparkling cider and delicious chocolate covered strawberries. I was so thankful for a night out to remember how much we love one another and how much we still desire to be with each other. Chase is the most amazing father and husband I could ever ask for, he still exceeds all of my expectations. He wakes up in the night, almost every night Ruark wakes up. He rocks him back to sleep singing sweet tunes. I am grateful for him every day, but Valentine's was a great reminder just how much I love this wonderful man I call .... My Valentine.

There's a Mouse in our House!!!!!

2010-02-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

We have a mouse in our house, the cutest little mouse you ever did see...

Chase and I keep finding things that Ruark has chewed his way through...

Candy boxes...

Toys...

Books and so much more...

We started noticing this trend a little while ago, but now more and more we're finding the edges of our books gnawed up. What's a mom to do? Luckily I"m pretty sure it has to do with the two year old molars that are coming in a year early! Hopefully this teething stuff is over soon!

Bronson's Miracle

2010-02-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

A few days ago a friend of mine told me about this little boy from SLC (who is only a month and a half older than Ruark, so it really hit home for me) who drowned in the bathtub while his mother was just down the hall. Luckily his mother kept him alive while the paramedics were on their way. Yesterday I found the mother's blog she kept updated during the whole ordeal from her son's bedside in the hospital. As word of her blog spread, people from all over the world were praying for her son and sat vigil with her to read of his progress.

Bronson's Miracle

This blog is filled with faith, disappointment, fear and miracles. I feel enlightened, somber, overjoyed and reminded of how fast our worlds are turned upside down. It follows them through their darkest hours and through their greatest triumph. I would like to share this link to her blog. Mostly to remind us to stop worrying about small incidental things that can wait and to hold our babies a little closer at night. After finishing reading this blog, I snuck into Ruark's room while he was sleeping and held him for a few extra minutes. I gave thanks to our Heavenly Father and lifted up a hopeful prayer. I can't imagine going through this with Ruark, and I pray I never have to experience something so heart wrenching.

The sweet mother kept his alive via CPR, but had forgotten to plug his nose so he aspirated. I know I'm going to brush up on my CPR this week, I suggest we all do the same so we never forget this life saving practice if we are even called upon to use it. It was just a regular Saturday morning...

Click to go freshen up on your CPR

Goodbye Crib

2010-02-03T20:25:00.000-08:00

Goodbye crib! We're moving up to a toddler bed!

Today has been a day for changes. Today Ruark decided he no longer wants to crawl. He's been walking here and there, but for the most part he just wanted to crawl or have us carry him. Alas, that is no more. He just decided to start walking everywhere today. Although it's so cute watching him toddle all around the house. It feels like he's finally graduating from baby to...*gulp*...toddler

To make things worse, his toddler rail came via UPS today! So we fixed his crib into a toddler bed. I laid down the wrench to answer the phone, and apparently he did not want to wait, because he was tinkering with the crib trying to tighten the screws! He must get his mechanical side from his dad!

Trying to teach him the correct way to get off the crib, this is not one of them. Here he is going over the rail. So far he loves his new bed, he loves getting in and out all on his own and is sleeping soundly. Only time will tell! As for now, it will be a while until I see a crib in our house, and I'm just fine with that!

Slumber Party

2010-02-03T19:22:00.000-08:00

My sister Danielle and I have always been the best of friends. She wanted a baby sister so badly, she prayed for me every night for years. Finally I was born when she was 12 yrs old. I grew up with her being like my second mom, I babysat her kids growing up and still feel so close to them. Her youngest Elle and I are very close. I was there in the delivery room when she was born, I was just 16. She was the flower girl at our wedding at 2 years old. How fast the years have flown by!

Friends since the beginning. This is my darling niece Elle. She and Ruark are the best of friends, on the day he was born, she got herself showered, dressed and was waiting patiently for her mom to get home from the hospital (Danielle, was my birthing coach) so she could come and see her new cousin. They are so cute together. She calls to talk to him, and loves on him the entire time they are together.

Ruark had his first sleepover a few weeks ago. Elle came over and gave me a much needed break. She played with Ruark with all of his toys, read him books and chased him around all day and night. She bought Ruark that pop-up book with the money she had from Christmas, and now Ruark makes me read it to him at least 3 times a day!

We made Rice Krispie treats and played Dance Dance Revolution, her favorite, and had a great time. When it came time to go to sleep she slept in his room so she could be right there if he needed her :) Ruark giggled from his crib when he saw she was sleeping in the same room, he was so excited to have her stay a little longer.

When morning came, she got him out of his crib and was playing with him in the front room so we could sleep a little longer. Ruark cried when she left to go home. We are so thankful for our family!!! They enrich our life, especially our sweet Elle.

Check up

2010-01-05T13:09:00.001-08:00

With all of the toys Ruark got for his birthday and Christmas, his favorite is still the XBox paddle, he loves pushing buttons and watching things move around on the TV screen. This is an older pic from his chubbier days, but still so cute.

We took Ruark to the doctor today for his 1 year old check up! He is such a big boy!!

He is:

31.5" long - 90th percentile

22.7 lbs - 45th percentile

I don't remember how big his head is but it jumped up to the 75th percentile.

He is talking up a storm and mimicking everything we do.

Yesterday I walked into the front room to find him playing with DVR and TV power source in the cabinet. I gasped and said " Ruark, no you can't play with that!"

He kept playing and he said back "I can", I was shocked so I repeated, "no Ruark, you can't play with that"...he looked up at me so cute and said, "I can, I can, I can". I just sat and laughed and watched while he played. He is getting so cute. I love this stage, I love seeing how his little mind works.

What a ONE-derful Day!!!

2010-01-01T19:21:00.001-08:00

Our sweet amazing little boy Ruark turned one year old!!!! He's a New Years Eve baby so we partied in style. He loved trucks right now, he pushes them around all day and makes truck sounds. Too cute. So I've been working on this construction party theme, and it turned out soooo cute. Best of all, the decorations were actual tonka trucks, so now he has even more toys! Not that he needs anymore.

Chase was at the grocery store and a woman stopped and was talking to Ruark asking how old he is and he held up a "one" finger. She was amazed, saying we must have practiced for a long time with him. We just thought it was coincidence....not so sure now. He keeps holding up one finger!! Smart little tyke!

His candle, was an orange safety cone! They made him his own personal cake to match for .01 !! Can't beat that, plus it took a lot of stress off not having to make a cake which was my plan until two days before!

A little wired from all the sugar and the excitement!

We was so excited for his own cake, he smashed his face right into it!

He kept trying to feed everyone cake off his fingers...For goodness sakes, this boy was SPOILED! I've never seen a kid get so many presents!!! He was is so excited he's slowly making his way through the big pile of gifts. This is his..."are all these for me?" face.

He loved all the attention! After dinner, cake, presents and toys...we headed outside for a few fireworks.

All bundled up with Uncle Mark so he could be out with all the kids and adults to watch the fireworks.

We are so thankful for all our loved ones who were able to make it to Ruark's first birthday, and so thankful for all the love and attention they shower him with. I feel so blessed to know that he is so loved by so many people. Thank you so much for coming to our family Ruark, you the light of our lives and we can't wait to spend the rest of eternity with you. You fill every day with so much joy and laughter.

Christmas Morning

2010-01-01T16:27:00.001-08:00

We had an amazing Christmas this year, not because of any of the presents under the tree. It's because this was Ruark's first Christmas. Everyone said "don't get too excited, he'll only like the boxes and wrapping paper". So not true with my son, he loved his toys!! He was squealing with delight when he saw them. I think the reason people were thinking that way is because most children aren't almost a year old for their first Christmas. Here are some pictures, we did mostly video this year.

This is the dog that Ruark was so excited about. We found it at Kohl's before Christmas and he LOVED it. He didn't know that I bought it for him. When he started unwrapping it he started squealing when he saw it was his dog. He was screaming and smiling while we tried to hurry and get it out of the box. It's a pretty cool toy, you plug it into the computer and program your child's name and favorite things to do and it sings him songs all about them. He was pretty excited.

The stockings were stuffed by the chimmney with care...

He had been playing with these balls through the plastic for a week or so before Christmas, he found the stash of presents. But I wouldn't open them until Christmas morning. So poor little boy pulled these pack of balls around the house inside the plastic. He was so happy when he finally got them out!

Christmas morning, in his Christmas jammies. We do new pajamas on Christmas Eve every year. Love his bed head hair!

We stayed home all day, playing with toys and enjoying being together as a family. We made dinner for my side of the family and had a really good time feeling the joy of the season.

Not a fan of Jolly St. Nick...

2009-12-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

Ruark is the happiest baby I have ever seen and been around. He goes to everyone, loves everyone, and is content with just about everyone....until today. We went to go see Santa Claus at the mall...and he was not happy about it. He clawed at my coat and sobbed and screamed the entire time. If you look closely at the picture, you can even see his tear rolling down his cheek. He was so relieved when we were done, and he gave Santa nasty looks as we walked away.

Maybe next year he'll be a little more excited, as for this year he wants Santa to stay away!

Christmas Projects

2009-12-21T14:15:00.001-08:00

So many of you know I have been working on Christmas projects, which have been so much fun! Ever since I sewed Ruark's Halloween costume, I've been dying to start more projects! I don't understand patterns, so I decided I'd figure these out without one. Dixie, my friend and I worked the last two months on 6 sets of the felt food and then I decided to add an apron for my niece, as of last night. I love the way it all turned out! I love sewing, especially girl things! Man, I can't wait to sew pink stuff again, it's so cute! Luckily I have so many nieces to hold me over :) We made carrots, strawberries, watermelon, sugar cookies, hamburgers...with cheese, lettece, tomoatos, meat patty, and french fries. We even added a little shopping bag to give them away in!

The apron is reversible, don't want it to clash with our outfits do we ladies :)

Merry Christmas, I hope everyone is having a wonderful week preparing for the holiday season. I know I am!

Christmas Photos

2009-12-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

Playing in the snow :)

We've been married for 4.5 years now and we're still more in love than most newlywed's I know.

I could see so many of these photos in a magazine!

We look so good together!

Ruark is so full of personailty!

Thanks to my very talented sister, Danielle, and good weather. We were able to get our family Christmas shoot in. The pictures are amazing and we couldn't be happier!!

I love having all of these precious moments suspended in time. We are loving this season and hope everyone else steals some time to enjoy time with their family and feel of the rich spirit of Christmas.

Put your running shoes on...

2009-11-23T11:28:00.000-08:00

Ruark is crawling up a storm these days. He's into everything, opening cupboards, getting into toilets (that happened when Chase was watching him, not me), eating dog food, and generally just causing a mess behind us as we are cleaning. But he is so much fun now that he is so mobile! I think this is a perfect explanation of what he's up to by the look on his face..."Hey, I thought you were in the other room!"

His cheesey face! I love this smile! See all eight baby whites!

His first experience with snow...

This week we got snow and he loves standing at the back door banging on the glass and laughing as the puppies trudge through the white fluffy snow. We love being parents to this sweet energetic and fun little boy and can't wait to add to our joy we have found as parents.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-19T19:06:00.000-08:00

Next week is Thanksgiving, and we are so thankful for all the blessings we have! I have been having so much fun preparing for Thanksgiving this year. Here are a few fun Thanksgiving songs I grew up singing around Thanksgiving and now we sing around here:

There's a big fat turkey out on Grandpa's farm

and he thinks he's very gay

he spreads his tail into a great big fan

and he struts around all day.

You can hear him gobble at the girls and boys

for he thinks he's singing when he makes that noise

but he'll sing his song another way

upon Thanksgiving day

kkkl kkklll (sounds turkey's make when they die) :)

Second Song

Turkey turkey in the yard

you'd better run away

farmer dell will look for you

before Thanksgiving Day.

Do not gobble quite so loud

don't go near your pen

quiet down and hide your head

he'll never find you then.

Because I was so pregnant last year I missed out on all the yummy food because my belly simply couldn't hold it all! I'm eating my fill this year because who know if I'll be pregnant again next Thanksgiving :)

2009-11-19T19:05:00.000-08:00

Hair Cuts and Grape Juice

2009-11-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

My sister has grape vines, and pretty much the coolest backyard I have ever seen. She had a baby last month and knowing she wouldn't be able to get around to canning her grape juice this year she sent up a huge box of grapes for me. I got 15 QUART JARS of PURE grape juice, no sugar or water added!!! I love canning, and I love it even more when the food is free!!! My house smells so yummy like grape juice and I am so excited to expand my food storage in new and tasty ways! Thank you Lisa!

Hair cuts and grape juice...Not two that often go together :) My son was in dire need of a hair cut! Here's a pic of him before

and after! Now he looks more like a little boy! We sure love our little man and can't believe how he's growing and how fast he is getting into things!

Ruark is finally crawling up on his hands and knees the entire time, which just makes him faster! He's walking with his "shopping cart toy" and he totally has a mechanical mind like his daddy. He loves taking things apart and figuring how they go back together! Example... He doesn't like the snacks he likes figuring out HOW to get into the snacks. He doesn't want the bottle he wants to figure out HOW to get into the bottle. Funny little boy.

Pinocchio

2009-11-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

It all started when my mom began watching Pinocchio a few weeks ago, she couldn't get over how much Ruark looks like Pinocchio when he turns into a real boy. So she started calling him Pinocchio, I looked everywhere for a costume to buy. They don't make Pinocchio costumes in his size, and so it began. I thought, "it can't really be that hard can it?"

So it began, and it was so much fun! I didn't have a pattern I just went at the felt with some scissors and thread, added ribbons and buttons and did some thread work and WOW it's amazing how things come together! It was cuter than I could have imagined and cuter than any outfit I saw on the internet and now I can't wait to hopefully make Halloween costumes every year for my children! So here is his Pinocchio costume! Can't wait to see him in it!

Halloween

2009-11-01T08:48:00.000-08:00

TIP: Next year give him less candy Grandma's!

Last night was Halloween and we had too much fun taking Ruark Trick or Treating. First I have to say I made Ruark's costume from SCRATCH! I'm so proud of how it turned out! I want to be the mom who makes the Halloween outfits, so I decided to try my hand at it this year and it turned out better than I could have imagined. I didn't have a pattern or anything, just started cutting! I can't wait for next year! Chase was Gepetto, Ruark was Pinocchio, and I was the Good Fairy who turned Pinocchio into a real boy. Chase had a "fat suit" under his clothes and he made the BEST Gepetto and Ruark was the cutest Pinocchio!

We went to see as many Grandparents as possible, they kept giving him suckers to suck on (paper still on). They forgot he has those little teeth and before we got out to the car he had bit through that wax paper and had some goodies :). Every kid is supposed to get sick from candy on Halloween night, it's only one night a year. Then we went back to our house for some 'Left for Dead' (only fitting to play a zombie video game on Halloween night, right?), pizza and time with friends. Our best friends had a little boy Alex last month and we can already tell our boys will be such good friends. I think they remember each other from the other side, I can't wait to see what good friends they will be! It's only fitting they are already getting along because as parents Ben and Dixie and us have such easy friendships. Here's a pic of the boys...Ruark loved seeing Alex laying in his bed he was standing on the ground laughing and reaching through the bars to get to him, Alex was laughing at Ruark too and grabbing his hand. Aww, they are too cute together! The funniest thing is how much little Alex resembles Ruark at that age! If you can believe it, he's growing even fast than Ruark did!

Falling off the face of the earth...

2009-10-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

That's a good way to describe where we've been, I haven't blogged in FOREVER. I had all these posts that were only saved and I never posted them! Ha ha, so here we go!

This is a picture with our new little Cheyenne Ruth!! There is such a size difference! We probably won't be able to see her again until we go back out there hopefully in May of next year, but we feel so lucky to have had a chance to get to know her.

Ruark now has 8, EIGHT TEETH! So scary when you are still nursing...especially because he thinks it's funny when I tell him no when he is biting me. We have welcomed 3 new babies into our family, our best friends, my sister and my sister-in-law all had babies within 3 weeks of eachother. Kinda helps with wanting another baby so bad. Kinda :)

We went to Missouri, which was such a great trip. We were able to see my new niece Cheyenne's blessing and her big brother Stetson get baptized. We stole a few hours away to see Adamondiahmen which was so cool, there was such a feeling of holiness. We were also able to see Liberty Jail.

We can't wait to get back there again so we can spend a few days in Nauvoo, which was the original plan, but we booked the day we left later than we thought. So we decided to make our next trip longer so we can go to the Nauvoo Temple and through the whole experience. Here's hoping my anxiety is better by then so I can leave Ruark with my mom while we go!!! I still can't shake this anxiety, but it's getting better, I at least leave him with Chase to go do some shopping :)

Even with all of the fun trips we were able to go on this summer...There's no place like home!

From One to Three!

2009-08-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

Ruark got his first front tooth last week, and now he has three bottom teeth right in front, and his one little canine! Poor thing is teething up a storm, I'm just glad we're getting it over with so quickly! He has been a little fussy, but you know our son, he's still giggling through the pain. Because his gums are hurting we have a hard time getting him down for a nap. Instead he wil sit and giggle hysterically

And we're off...

2009-08-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Ruark cut his first front tooth on Saturday, I keep trying to get pictures it's co cute! His first tooth was his left canine which cut at 4 months, well now his front teeth are finally following suit! He got his bottom front right tooth. We couldn't figure out what was wrong with him Saturday, we were supposed to be on our way to the Andrews family reunion, and we couldn't get him to calm down enough to head out. So we missed seeing all of our family, which we are really upset about! Later that night Chase gave Ruark his watch to play with which he was chewing on, I didn't think that was such a good idea so I took it away when he grabbed my finger shoved it into his mouth and bit HARD! Normally that's not such a big deal, but that little tooth was like a razor! OW! He's so cute and happy!

What a big boy! This week, we started CANNING! YEA! I love canning! My neighbors had extra beets which they gave to me to can, it was great. Luckily my sweet niece Elle, was able to come over and "babysit" Ruark, and keep him entertained. I keep telling Chase we need to have an older baby to entertain Ruark, well we found her! It's great! Poor thing tries to carry him around, but he's a big boy, and it's not that easy.

Chase had to head back to WA, so he decided to take us with him. It's been great so far, HOT but great. It's nice spending time together, we'll be back home around my birthday (the 13th) but in the meantime, Ruark, Chase, the puppies, myself and Gabe are sharing a trailer. We'll have to see how it goes!

Turning 23

2009-07-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Chase!

23 years young! Life is passing us by so quickly, it seems like we can barely keep up! Chase just celebrated his 5 year, high school reunion. It was great to be able to meet friends he hadn't seen in a while, and catch up. It seems like just yesterday I was watching him cross that stage to graduate!

Chase turned 23 last week, we celebrated with our friends when he got back with a BBQ. Mom helped me make and decorate this beautiful 3 layer carrot cake. Which was SO good! After BBQ and cake, we went to the drive-in to see the new Harry Potter movie. We had a great time, spending time with friends and being back together as a family. Happy Birthday Chase!!! We sure love you!

Ruark loves his Daddy! As soon as Chase got back, he was all he wanted. When I held him, he'd hold out his arms for Chase to take him back. What an amazing dad Ruark has to grow up with, he is so blessed!

Ruark is the spitting image of his Daddy! We had a fun little photo shoot, outside the last day Chase was home. I love all of the chances we had to catch Ruark being so inquisitive, he is full of so much energy! We have our work cut out for us raising this little tyke!

6 Months Old

2009-07-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

Chase and I also just celebrated our 4 YEAR anniversary! Can you believe it's been that long! We were able to stop in Boise on our way back from Washington and enjoy a Brazilian BBQ Restaurant, we had a lot of fun remembering our life over the past four years.

Ruark is now 6 months old! Half a year has flown by in the blink of an eye! He now weighs 19 pounds and is 27.5 inches long, he's sitting up like a champ and into everything he can get his hands on.

We just celebrated the Fourth of July! The 4th has to be my favorite summer holiday! Luckily Chase was able to come home so we were able to spend it as a family. Ruark loved the parade, everything except for the dang firetruck who blasted their horn when they were right in front of us, it scared him to death! We also enjoyed my family's picnic at Tautphaus Park, even the annual water fight. He didn't even cry when he got wet, what a champ! After such a long day, we even made our way over to to the fireworks, which he loved!! He sat mesmerized by the lights, as we watched from our car near Freeman Park. Then we made our way home and lit off our own fireworks in our front yard. It was such a great day spent with family, remembering our blessings and freedoms we enjoy.

Next on our list of things coming up...Chase and I are turning 23 soon...we are getting old! His 5 year class reunion is coming up too. I'm really excited to see people he went to high school with, and put names with faces.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day! How thankful am I to have a day to express my appreciation for the Father's in my life. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father, he blesses me in more ways than I ever dreamed possible. I am so thankful for his steady guidance and protection in our lives.

I am so thankful for my husband and best friend Chase! He is such an amazing man who surprises me everyday with his generosity, kindness and passion for life. I am so blessed to have him for my eternal companion. He loves me more than I deserve, and treats me like a Queen. I never thought you could be so happily married. I wish Chase were able to spend his very first Father's Day with us today, we truly feel the hole in our home when he is gone.

Ruark loves his Daddy, the connection between the two of them is beyond words for me. Chase plays with Ruark, loves him, prays for him, protects him, provides for him (us) what more could we ask for? I love my husband for a million reasons. I pray everyday that not only can we spend eternity together, but that we can spend our lives together. I can't imagine life without him.

My Daddy, what a wonderful grandfather he is to Ruark. We love him and are so thankful our son has so many grandparents who love him, and are able to enrich his life. We look forward to fishing, hunting, horseback riding and boating with Grandpa!

Ruark has so many grandfathers who love him, I wish we had pictures with Kevin, and all of Ruark's great grandparents! Here is a picture of Ruark's blessing, with all the men from the circle...all of them are father's in our life. To all of the Father's in our lives, we love you and are thankful for your sacrifice and are so happy to have you apart of our lives! If we don't take the time to tell you, Have a great Fathers Day!

Chubby Baby

2009-06-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

Ruark is so sweet, and he loves his bumbo seat. We put him in there and he watches us from the counter, while we cook and eat...it's nice to have something to hold him besides my arms...he gets heavy! I wonder what it is we are feeding him that makes him so chubby! Sometimes I wonder if we aren't feeding him cubes of butter! Maybe mom needs to lay off some of the cookie dough!!

Look at all those rubber bands! I guess we know where he carries his chub... in his thighs! :)You could gnaw on the one set of chub just behind his knees! They are like turkey drumsticks! He is getting so healthy and strong! The doctors are really happy with how he is growing and they are "amazed" by how calm and happy he is! Maybe I prayed that he would "grow big and strong" a little too much! Truthfully,we are so thankful, for this little spirit and for his healthy body and cheerful attitude! I am thankful everyday to be with him for eternity!

If he is ever grouchy, once in a blue moon, we put him in the bath. Oh man this boy loves bath time! He kicks and splashes like there is no tomorrow! Even on a grouchy day, he's all giggles and grins. He's talking up a storm! In the middle of the night, Chase and I wake up to him jabbering on and on, he must be talking to angels. Instead of crying, he just yells out "MOM" all the time, Chase uses it as an excuse to say he wants me, so I get up. Chase is so great, he gets up every night, and gets him for me so I can nurse him. We are so grateful for the father, husband and preisthood holder he is. Ruark loves playing with his daddy..."num, num's" and fighter pilot are among his favorite. Where would we be without Chase?

So Blessed!

2009-05-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

We started feeding Ruark baby food to hopefully sustain him a little more through the night, we started that a few weeks ago, here are some photos of the first time he ate "mixed veggies", which he loved by the way. Of course he did! He loves to eat...he loves biter biscuits too, messy disgusting little creations!! I hate giving them to him, but when he loves them so much what can we do?

He loves drinking out of a glass. We began giving him water in a glass, and then Chase tried feeding Ruark a bottle, with some rice cereal mixed in and he refused the drink from it, so I poured it into a glass and he drank it all up! What a silly boy, he know what he wants, even at such a young age!

Ruark is laughing up a storm these days, and stealing hearts. He is a ball of personality. He got his first tooth, his canine. We took him to see Wolverine that same day, and he loved it! He watched the screen the entire time and laughed. I tried to cover his eyes during fight scenes, and he would pull my hand away and peek around to watch. He loved it, and he was so good through the entire movie, poor little tyke fell asleep in the last ten minutes.

We are so blessed. Since our last posting we sold our home on 11th street and are set to close on our new home very soon. We really love it here, and are enjoying making it our own. Chase has been working on the outside of our home to make it more functional. I can't wait to fill this home with children!